Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
In which I am in desperate need of the weekend
This blog post is a complete cop out and I apologize.
My brain is mush, and all I can really manage is knitting dish cloths and watching 30 Rock.
I promise to return tomorrow with a blog post filled with excitement for the weekend and to tell you about my husband's new hobby: home brewing beer!
My brain is mush, and all I can really manage is knitting dish cloths and watching 30 Rock.
I promise to return tomorrow with a blog post filled with excitement for the weekend and to tell you about my husband's new hobby: home brewing beer!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
When seemingly good friendships end abruptly!
The theme of the day seems to be ending friendships, and as it were, I have my own tale to tell.
Well, I am sure I have several, but this one is still pretty fresh.
When I was pretty young, 8 or 9 I think, I had a best friend.
We had a lot in common and spent an inordinate amount of time together as best girlfriends do.
This friendship lasted until 7th grade, until there was a fight and then we didn't talk.
I can't remember what the fight was about, probably some moronic prepubescent girl BS.
We made a feeble attempt at being friends again in high school, but even then the friendship was tenuous and awkward (maybe some residual hurt feelings over the aforementioned fight?)
There was always a gap between my social circles - for some reason, I never really "fit in". I always said that my high school stereotype was that I was invisible. I wasn't a jock, or a cheerleader, I wasn't a nerd or a weirdo. I wasn't a burner (even though I ran with that crowd for awhile). I wasn't unpopular, but I wasn't popular either.
I dated a guy my senior year of high school who had graduated the year before, who was popular but only because a cool kid took him under his wing and kept everyone else from picking on him. However, the cool kid could only protect Mark when the cool kid was around.
Even though I was a nobody, my friends told me that dating him was social suicide (like joining the Mathletes)
I don't know what that little anecdote was supposed to reveal, that even in my invisible state, I was still too good to date the most popular un-popular guy?
Anyways, I digress.
This girl was smart. Like Mathlete smart, Dean's List smart, visiting colleges smart.
I was not.
So, the gap widened until I ended up running with the burner crowd. And to be honest, they may have been baked all the time, but they never talked about me behind my back, or made me feel like a loser, like Smart girl's did.
Smart girl went on to graduate, and do things in life that I was oblivious to.
Several years ago, my sister moved into a new subdivision and my nephew made friends with some kids, who turned out to be cousins of Smart girl. Smart girl's aunt was a valuable instrument in reuniting us.
It started out as emails, coffee and the occasional dinner. You know, to catch up.
And things were good. Neither of us needy for attention, and appreciating the fact that we were only an email away.
Over time, my life changed significantly. Sometimes for the worst, but ultimately for the best.
Now, I can only relay my side of the story here, you'll find out why later.
When we first started talking again, I had just split from my ex-husband and was in a serious relationship with someone new, after about 2 years that relationship ended in disappointment, but that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
Smart girl was really there for me and it was greatly appreciated to have a friend who was single and child-less and able to grab a beer with me on short notice.
We both embarked on internet dating (a first for her, I was a veteran by this time.)
I had some luck, and I had some horror stories, and then I hit pay dirt.
I met the man who would become my husband.
Smart girl never got into the internet dating groove. I tried to play matchmaker, but I suck at it and really don't know very many guys worth referring her to.
I really felt a change in our friendship when I introduced her to a guy friend of mine who was recently single.
He's a great guy and I am still friends with him - but his response to "What do you think about Smart girl?" really set the pace for the year to come.
"She's nice, but she's really not my type."
They never exchanged numbers, so guess who had to tell her? If you guessed that it was me, you're right.
She was very, very upset. I felt awful.
Then she said something that really struck me and I still don't know how it was meant.
"How come you have all these relationships and I can't even get 1 date?"
That may not be verbatim, but it's close.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Do I not deserve to be happy? Am I too lucky? Am I not worthy of meeting someone and having a relationship?
Wait. Let's back up. Let me define "ALL THESE RELATIONSHIPS":
From age 19-25, I was dating, then married to my first husband.
From age 26-28, I was dating one person
At 29, I met my husband. (the relationship continues, unabated.)
Since when is 3 a lot?
I guess when I compare it to Smart girl, it is a lot. I don't mean to boast.
She could have had a crappy first marriage and a humbling break up experience under her belt by now.
I think she should consider herself lucky.
My now husband and I announced our engagement and while I was bursting with love and joy and all that, I still felt like I had to subdue my excitement around her. She made me feel guilty for being happy.
I asked Smart girl to be a maid of honor and she accepted. Briefly.
A month after she had agreed, I sent an email advising that dress shopping was imminent and got a long email reply explaining all the reasons she had to back out.
I was pissed. Then, I thought about it and got over it and all seemed OK.
Throughout this time, I was still emailing and inviting her to gatherings large and small, all of which she said she would come and never did.
These "Unappearances" were always followed by an email or text about how bad she felt that she didn't go.
I still kept inviting her out. I invited her out with friends, I invited her to coffee for just us, I invited her out with my then fiance.
All declines.
When I sent out our wedding invitations, I never got her response card.
When I asked her about it, she said she might have a date and was waiting for him to let her know if he would be her "Plus 1".
The response never came.
Now, our wedding was not formal at all. If she sent the reply card back with just herself, and came with a guest it wouldn't have been a problem and she knew this (I think)
Well, she came to the wedding with her mom, who is a great woman and I was glad to see their smiling faces at the ceremony.
After we were married, we went offsite for pictures and when we returned their smiling faces were gone.
I was upset, but didn't let it ruin our special day.
After that, I still invited her out. Now, instead of declining, she would just send a text 10 minutes before we were supposed to meet and say something came up and she couldn't go.
I continued to text and email, and after awhile, she just stopped responding.
The only way I had to know what was happening in her life was to lurk her Facebook page and I got tired of that.
I tried casually posting on her status updates and she still didn't respond.
I was afraid I had done something heinous to upset her, but after racking my brain I came up with nothing.
Since Smart girl and I are both non-confrontational, there was never a blow up or even a nasty letter.
And because I was afraid that I may have done something to hurt her feelings, I never sent that "What the F?" email asking what was going on.
So, after months and months, I decided that if I didn't hear anything from her in reply to a Facebook post on her wall I was going to unfriend her.
And I did, I started 2010 with one less friend and I have no idea why.
Like I said, this is my side of the story. I don't know what caused her to stop talking to me and I truly hope that it wasn't that I did or said something to hurt her feelings.
Well, I am sure I have several, but this one is still pretty fresh.
When I was pretty young, 8 or 9 I think, I had a best friend.
We had a lot in common and spent an inordinate amount of time together as best girlfriends do.
This friendship lasted until 7th grade, until there was a fight and then we didn't talk.
I can't remember what the fight was about, probably some moronic prepubescent girl BS.
We made a feeble attempt at being friends again in high school, but even then the friendship was tenuous and awkward (maybe some residual hurt feelings over the aforementioned fight?)
There was always a gap between my social circles - for some reason, I never really "fit in". I always said that my high school stereotype was that I was invisible. I wasn't a jock, or a cheerleader, I wasn't a nerd or a weirdo. I wasn't a burner (even though I ran with that crowd for awhile). I wasn't unpopular, but I wasn't popular either.
I dated a guy my senior year of high school who had graduated the year before, who was popular but only because a cool kid took him under his wing and kept everyone else from picking on him. However, the cool kid could only protect Mark when the cool kid was around.
Even though I was a nobody, my friends told me that dating him was social suicide (like joining the Mathletes)
I don't know what that little anecdote was supposed to reveal, that even in my invisible state, I was still too good to date the most popular un-popular guy?
Anyways, I digress.
This girl was smart. Like Mathlete smart, Dean's List smart, visiting colleges smart.
I was not.
So, the gap widened until I ended up running with the burner crowd. And to be honest, they may have been baked all the time, but they never talked about me behind my back, or made me feel like a loser, like Smart girl's did.
Smart girl went on to graduate, and do things in life that I was oblivious to.
Several years ago, my sister moved into a new subdivision and my nephew made friends with some kids, who turned out to be cousins of Smart girl. Smart girl's aunt was a valuable instrument in reuniting us.
It started out as emails, coffee and the occasional dinner. You know, to catch up.
And things were good. Neither of us needy for attention, and appreciating the fact that we were only an email away.
Over time, my life changed significantly. Sometimes for the worst, but ultimately for the best.
Now, I can only relay my side of the story here, you'll find out why later.
When we first started talking again, I had just split from my ex-husband and was in a serious relationship with someone new, after about 2 years that relationship ended in disappointment, but that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
Smart girl was really there for me and it was greatly appreciated to have a friend who was single and child-less and able to grab a beer with me on short notice.
We both embarked on internet dating (a first for her, I was a veteran by this time.)
I had some luck, and I had some horror stories, and then I hit pay dirt.
I met the man who would become my husband.
Smart girl never got into the internet dating groove. I tried to play matchmaker, but I suck at it and really don't know very many guys worth referring her to.
I really felt a change in our friendship when I introduced her to a guy friend of mine who was recently single.
He's a great guy and I am still friends with him - but his response to "What do you think about Smart girl?" really set the pace for the year to come.
"She's nice, but she's really not my type."
They never exchanged numbers, so guess who had to tell her? If you guessed that it was me, you're right.
She was very, very upset. I felt awful.
Then she said something that really struck me and I still don't know how it was meant.
"How come you have all these relationships and I can't even get 1 date?"
That may not be verbatim, but it's close.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Do I not deserve to be happy? Am I too lucky? Am I not worthy of meeting someone and having a relationship?
Wait. Let's back up. Let me define "ALL THESE RELATIONSHIPS":
From age 19-25, I was dating, then married to my first husband.
From age 26-28, I was dating one person
At 29, I met my husband. (the relationship continues, unabated.)
Since when is 3 a lot?
I guess when I compare it to Smart girl, it is a lot. I don't mean to boast.
She could have had a crappy first marriage and a humbling break up experience under her belt by now.
I think she should consider herself lucky.
My now husband and I announced our engagement and while I was bursting with love and joy and all that, I still felt like I had to subdue my excitement around her. She made me feel guilty for being happy.
I asked Smart girl to be a maid of honor and she accepted. Briefly.
A month after she had agreed, I sent an email advising that dress shopping was imminent and got a long email reply explaining all the reasons she had to back out.
I was pissed. Then, I thought about it and got over it and all seemed OK.
Throughout this time, I was still emailing and inviting her to gatherings large and small, all of which she said she would come and never did.
These "Unappearances" were always followed by an email or text about how bad she felt that she didn't go.
I still kept inviting her out. I invited her out with friends, I invited her to coffee for just us, I invited her out with my then fiance.
All declines.
When I sent out our wedding invitations, I never got her response card.
When I asked her about it, she said she might have a date and was waiting for him to let her know if he would be her "Plus 1".
The response never came.
Now, our wedding was not formal at all. If she sent the reply card back with just herself, and came with a guest it wouldn't have been a problem and she knew this (I think)
Well, she came to the wedding with her mom, who is a great woman and I was glad to see their smiling faces at the ceremony.
After we were married, we went offsite for pictures and when we returned their smiling faces were gone.
I was upset, but didn't let it ruin our special day.
After that, I still invited her out. Now, instead of declining, she would just send a text 10 minutes before we were supposed to meet and say something came up and she couldn't go.
I continued to text and email, and after awhile, she just stopped responding.
The only way I had to know what was happening in her life was to lurk her Facebook page and I got tired of that.
I tried casually posting on her status updates and she still didn't respond.
I was afraid I had done something heinous to upset her, but after racking my brain I came up with nothing.
Since Smart girl and I are both non-confrontational, there was never a blow up or even a nasty letter.
And because I was afraid that I may have done something to hurt her feelings, I never sent that "What the F?" email asking what was going on.
So, after months and months, I decided that if I didn't hear anything from her in reply to a Facebook post on her wall I was going to unfriend her.
And I did, I started 2010 with one less friend and I have no idea why.
Like I said, this is my side of the story. I don't know what caused her to stop talking to me and I truly hope that it wasn't that I did or said something to hurt her feelings.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
In which I blather on about music
Coming in under the wire on this one!
I've been thinking about music a lot lately, and how out of the loop I've been.
I used to listen to the radio in the car during my commute, but lately I have been listening to NPR or podcasts.
I've been really relying on others to tell me what's new, or getting lucky otherwise stumbling across new stuff (which is usually only new to me)
Over the weekend, I found some new (to me) faves:
Fireflies - Owl City
I'm Shipping Up To Boston - Dropkick Murphys
The Blood Of Cu Chulainn (from the Boondock Saints Soundtrack)
Cellophane - 7th Heaven
Still Be Here - 7th Heaven
While You Dream - 7th Heaven
Take Me Back - 7th Heaven
(Yeah, I am on a little 7H kick)
The Dropkick Murphys make me want to go jogging, or kick boxing. Something involving moving quickly? I shall add it to the "Workout Music" list on the ol' iPod.
I encourage you all to step outside your "safe music zone" and get a little adventurous this week.
I've been thinking about music a lot lately, and how out of the loop I've been.
I used to listen to the radio in the car during my commute, but lately I have been listening to NPR or podcasts.
I've been really relying on others to tell me what's new, or getting lucky otherwise stumbling across new stuff (which is usually only new to me)
Over the weekend, I found some new (to me) faves:
Fireflies - Owl City
I'm Shipping Up To Boston - Dropkick Murphys
The Blood Of Cu Chulainn (from the Boondock Saints Soundtrack)
Cellophane - 7th Heaven
Still Be Here - 7th Heaven
While You Dream - 7th Heaven
Take Me Back - 7th Heaven
(Yeah, I am on a little 7H kick)
The Dropkick Murphys make me want to go jogging, or kick boxing. Something involving moving quickly? I shall add it to the "Workout Music" list on the ol' iPod.
I encourage you all to step outside your "safe music zone" and get a little adventurous this week.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Feeling less like death, huzzah!
As stated in the title, I am feeling less like death, even if I still sound like it.
Today was super busy at work, filled with angry folk complaining about the hold times.
Customers-"Tell that department to pick up the phone! I've been holding for 20 minutes!"
Me-"Really? The whole lot of them just went out for a smoke, you know, they like to smoke after doing all those shots of tequila during lunch...you know how *that* goes. Anyhoo, once they stumble back in, I will certainly make sure all their headsets are plugged in, so they can take your call!"
On the upside, and older gentleman called me "A peach", which instantly made me think of Princess Peach, and then "We're Sorry! Your Princess is in Another Castle!" *wah wah wah*
I downloaded 7th Heaven's album "USA-UK" on Saturday and have been happily jamming to some pleasant ear worms.
One thing about this album, though. The lyrics are not predictable, even though the music sounds familiar. I don't know why this is. Another symptom of my continued, undiagnosed but blatantly evident mental illness?
Anyhoo, looking forward to seeing 7th Heaven @ The Fuel Room on Friday!
I have decided that they provide my live music fix when I can't see Dave.
Also, 6 months til Dave!
Today was super busy at work, filled with angry folk complaining about the hold times.
Customers-"Tell that department to pick up the phone! I've been holding for 20 minutes!"
Me-"Really? The whole lot of them just went out for a smoke, you know, they like to smoke after doing all those shots of tequila during lunch...you know how *that* goes. Anyhoo, once they stumble back in, I will certainly make sure all their headsets are plugged in, so they can take your call!"
On the upside, and older gentleman called me "A peach", which instantly made me think of Princess Peach, and then "We're Sorry! Your Princess is in Another Castle!" *wah wah wah*
I downloaded 7th Heaven's album "USA-UK" on Saturday and have been happily jamming to some pleasant ear worms.
One thing about this album, though. The lyrics are not predictable, even though the music sounds familiar. I don't know why this is. Another symptom of my continued, undiagnosed but blatantly evident mental illness?
Anyhoo, looking forward to seeing 7th Heaven @ The Fuel Room on Friday!
I have decided that they provide my live music fix when I can't see Dave.
Also, 6 months til Dave!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
As I continue to languish/ Sunday Supper
I actually feel a lot better today.
My cold has reached the phase where I sound worse than I feel.
Also, I think the Aflac duck lives in my nose.
Kosta and I make Sunday Supper together almost every week, it's really the only time we have a meal together due to our conflicting work schedules.
He works 2nd-3rd shift (5p-1a, M-F), I work 1st-2nd shift (11a-8p, M-F) so we rarely have any conscious time together during the week.
This week, I made beef pot roast with roasted vegetables & pan gravy.
Kosta made homemade spaetzle and stroganoff gravy. It was delicious & carb-licious!
I knitted a tribble today, it was a nice, quick knit. I plan on making several more!
Well, I am going back to my ass groove on the couch.
Hope everyone had a relaxing weekend!
My cold has reached the phase where I sound worse than I feel.
Also, I think the Aflac duck lives in my nose.
Kosta and I make Sunday Supper together almost every week, it's really the only time we have a meal together due to our conflicting work schedules.
He works 2nd-3rd shift (5p-1a, M-F), I work 1st-2nd shift (11a-8p, M-F) so we rarely have any conscious time together during the week.
This week, I made beef pot roast with roasted vegetables & pan gravy.
Kosta made homemade spaetzle and stroganoff gravy. It was delicious & carb-licious!
I knitted a tribble today, it was a nice, quick knit. I plan on making several more!
Well, I am going back to my ass groove on the couch.
Hope everyone had a relaxing weekend!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Theraflu High
Alright, so I missed posting yesterday. Sorry!
I have the plague. I think I caught it during my mysterious vocal chord scraping.
I have been doping myself up with Theraflu, which tastes like crap and doesn't really work very well.
I sent Kosta to the store for some NyQuil, I need the real stuff! Big Effing Q!
I have the plague. I think I caught it during my mysterious vocal chord scraping.
I have been doping myself up with Theraflu, which tastes like crap and doesn't really work very well.
I sent Kosta to the store for some NyQuil, I need the real stuff! Big Effing Q!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
In which the blog has nary a name
Whatever happened to Rock Candy? Do they still sell it?
My husband and I have noticed a lot of odd movie choices being made by actors lately, for example: Tooth Fairy with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
We have decided that it's because everyone suffers in a crappy economy and mansions don't pay for themselves.
Speaking of the economy, I made the realization that I am kind of over my "fancy schmancy" yarn phase.
I have really been on a serious yarn diet for the last few months, with my only major purchase being yarn for 2 scarves purchased from Knit Picks in September.
I find myself leaning back towards the JoAnn's & Hobby Lobby for yarn, and reserving my trips to the LYS for more special projects. As it stands right now, I am still working on that yarn from September, so I really don't feel the need to enhance my stash.
The Scarf, which seems to dangle lifelessly from my needles, is in my wonderful Namaste Zuma bag that I got for Christmas. It goes wherever I go, but I find the enthusiasm I once had for it is rapidly decreasing.
I know, I know. I should just suck it up and finish it, but I really do dread it and the fact that there needs to be another foot and a half knitted does not ease my mind one bit.
Today is my brother's birthday, I happily sent him his birthday text message this morning wishing him a good day.
Do any of you have birthday rituals in your family?
Ours started as a phone call, then evolved into voice messages with "Happy Birthday" sung by my brother in law, who puts the phrase "mother f***ing" between Happy & Birthday, which may seem tasteless in theory, but it's really, really funny.
Now, we do birthday text messages and as thoughtless as it may seem to others, there really is nothing like getting a text every few minutes throughout the day wishing you Happy Birthday.
Update on the mysterious vocal "chord" (thank you, Melissa!) scraping I had done, without my knowledge: It now causes intermittent voice outages & a cough that makes me feel like a horse. Yes, horse, not hoarse. I don't know why I feel like this is a horse cough, maybe it's because it makes me suck down Ricola lozenges like a mare out to pasture, eagerly taking sugar cubes(the original rock candy) from the hands of a small child?
"Keep your palms flat, Jessie!"
Last night at Walgreens I stood, throat aching, in front of a rack of cough drops for 10 minutes trying to decide which ones I wanted.
I knew they had to be sugar free, since I would be eating a lot of them (I am an inbound call center rep for a payroll service, and it's tax season.)
There were a lot of choices, I did eventually settle on the Ricola - but what flavor to choose? I couldn't pick, so I bought 3 different kinds: Honey Herb, Green Tea & Echinacea and Lemon Mint. I am pleased with my choices.
Also - rock candy, horse cough, Ricola, sugar cubes(the original rock candy) ? Did I just come full circle in this blog post?
So, who's going to come and offer this old mare a lozenge? Anyone?
Fine. I'll do it myself.
My husband and I have noticed a lot of odd movie choices being made by actors lately, for example: Tooth Fairy with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
We have decided that it's because everyone suffers in a crappy economy and mansions don't pay for themselves.
Speaking of the economy, I made the realization that I am kind of over my "fancy schmancy" yarn phase.
I have really been on a serious yarn diet for the last few months, with my only major purchase being yarn for 2 scarves purchased from Knit Picks in September.
I find myself leaning back towards the JoAnn's & Hobby Lobby for yarn, and reserving my trips to the LYS for more special projects. As it stands right now, I am still working on that yarn from September, so I really don't feel the need to enhance my stash.
The Scarf, which seems to dangle lifelessly from my needles, is in my wonderful Namaste Zuma bag that I got for Christmas. It goes wherever I go, but I find the enthusiasm I once had for it is rapidly decreasing.
I know, I know. I should just suck it up and finish it, but I really do dread it and the fact that there needs to be another foot and a half knitted does not ease my mind one bit.
Today is my brother's birthday, I happily sent him his birthday text message this morning wishing him a good day.
Do any of you have birthday rituals in your family?
Ours started as a phone call, then evolved into voice messages with "Happy Birthday" sung by my brother in law, who puts the phrase "mother f***ing" between Happy & Birthday, which may seem tasteless in theory, but it's really, really funny.
Now, we do birthday text messages and as thoughtless as it may seem to others, there really is nothing like getting a text every few minutes throughout the day wishing you Happy Birthday.
Update on the mysterious vocal "chord" (thank you, Melissa!) scraping I had done, without my knowledge: It now causes intermittent voice outages & a cough that makes me feel like a horse. Yes, horse, not hoarse. I don't know why I feel like this is a horse cough, maybe it's because it makes me suck down Ricola lozenges like a mare out to pasture, eagerly taking sugar cubes(the original rock candy) from the hands of a small child?
"Keep your palms flat, Jessie!"
Last night at Walgreens I stood, throat aching, in front of a rack of cough drops for 10 minutes trying to decide which ones I wanted.
I knew they had to be sugar free, since I would be eating a lot of them (I am an inbound call center rep for a payroll service, and it's tax season.)
There were a lot of choices, I did eventually settle on the Ricola - but what flavor to choose? I couldn't pick, so I bought 3 different kinds: Honey Herb, Green Tea & Echinacea and Lemon Mint. I am pleased with my choices.
Also - rock candy, horse cough, Ricola, sugar cubes(the original rock candy) ? Did I just come full circle in this blog post?
So, who's going to come and offer this old mare a lozenge? Anyone?
Fine. I'll do it myself.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Feeling posty
OK, so, knowing how I operate I just want to warn anyone who reads this blog:
Even though my plan is to blog everyday for 1 year, you can probably expect a ton of posts in the first month and then it will trickle down to nothing.
You've been warned.
Moving on...
First order of business: vocal cord or chord? I am getting conflicting information from the internet on this and fear that my "good speller badge" may get pulled.
I just stepped outside my house and what did I see? A perfectly formed ice wang.
I'm not talking neat icicle dangling from a gutter. This is an honest-to-goodness ice wang, formed from our porch up from a dripping sillcock (how appropriate!)
See for yourself:
This would impress even the raggediest of adult film stars and our house made it!
I am not sure if this is our house's goal in it's existence, to make marital aids from nature, but it sure did a good job on this guy!
Even though my plan is to blog everyday for 1 year, you can probably expect a ton of posts in the first month and then it will trickle down to nothing.
You've been warned.
Moving on...
First order of business: vocal cord or chord? I am getting conflicting information from the internet on this and fear that my "good speller badge" may get pulled.
I just stepped outside my house and what did I see? A perfectly formed ice wang.
I'm not talking neat icicle dangling from a gutter. This is an honest-to-goodness ice wang, formed from our porch up from a dripping sillcock (how appropriate!)
See for yourself:
This would impress even the raggediest of adult film stars and our house made it!
I am not sure if this is our house's goal in it's existence, to make marital aids from nature, but it sure did a good job on this guy!
Random Thoughts Wednesday
Some random thoughts I've had today:
*I dislike when married couples have mismatched wedding bands. Ex: one gold, with rounded edges, the other a platinum pipe cut.
When I see that on couples in public, I always assume that they are not with their *real* spouses, but thinking they are being slick while they cheat with another married person.
I'm on to you, cheaters!
*Why does my throat feel like I've just had a vocal cord scraping? Is there such a thing as a vocal cord scraping?
*I dislike when married couples have mismatched wedding bands. Ex: one gold, with rounded edges, the other a platinum pipe cut.
When I see that on couples in public, I always assume that they are not with their *real* spouses, but thinking they are being slick while they cheat with another married person.
I'm on to you, cheaters!
*Why does my throat feel like I've just had a vocal cord scraping? Is there such a thing as a vocal cord scraping?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
What's that smell?
For several weeks, when my car gets toasty, I start to smell bubblegum.
This is odd because I have no air freshener in the car, and if I did it wouldn't be bubblegum scented anyways.
On the way home tonight (racing home to see Keith Semple's audition on American Idol - my least favorite show of all time) I noticed that there is a candy cane hanging from my rear view mirror.
When the defroster kicks up, it blows hot air on the candy cane thus producing the mysterious bubblegum smell.
Well, that's one vehicular mystery solved.
The other? Paw prints. Paw prints all over my car.
Last Thursday, when I should have been making a complete stop at a stop sign, I noticed my windshield had paw prints all over it. Like kitty paw prints.
Completely baffled by the paw prints (my car is garage parked over night) I made a "California Stop" at the aforementioned stop sign and got pulled over.
Now, I hadn't noticed that I didn't come to a complete stop at the time. When the officer asked me if I knew why he pulled me over, I really didn't know.
Then I imagined him watching me peer ridiculously at my windshield.
He gave me a warning, and I didn't mention that I had been distracted by cat paws.
I think it was for the best. I didn't have time to do a field sobriety test.
In knitting news, I am still working on The Scarf.
Ugh, I am so bored with it and can think of several other projects I'd rather be doing but I am committed to finishing it.
I am also knitting myself a hat, this also bores me. I need to motivate to get these things done so I can knit fun things! I guess I will just keep reminding myself that once these things are done, I can go back to knitting without deadlines and commitments. Fun things! Baby things for my friend, who is expecting a baby girl in March.
Happy Cat Paws, Everyone!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Gratuitous New Year's Post (late & incomplete)
101 in 2010
- Read 1 book per month
- Clean out my car every Friday
- Knit 1 complete pair of socks for myself
- Finish knitting the scarves
- Eat more vegetables
- Take a daily vitamin
- Blog more often
It's a lot harder to think of 101 things than I thought.
Starting over...again
Well, after reading some craftily copy/pasta'd blog entries from my old blog I am sure you were able to see why I've decided the name for this blog.
Somewhere between bottled up mental illness and a morbid obsession with weird things is where I exist.
To most, this may sound horrible. However, it's not so bad.
I am married to a great man, we'll call him "The Russian".
We have a cute house in a city with a shady reputation for being "ghetto", but I don't mind. We are a melting pot, we are The Russians (that's us) and The Uruguayans (our neighbors).
Well, technically, I am not Russian but 2/3 of my household is and (barring some reproductive blow-out, in which my organs jump ship) I will someday be the host body for a little 1st Generation Russian born in the US.
I am a good speller, I am not good with grammar or punctuation, and the only math I use is in my knitting.
Also, I spent an inordinate amount of time selecting a layout for this blog and have subsequently lost all my steam for posting a "KAPOWZA!" post.
My goal is to post a blog entry every day, from now until 1/18/2011.
Heh. We'll see how that goes!
A Reproductive Pit Of Despair
December 31st, 2009
So, lately I have been in reproductive pit of despair (as the subject line indicates)
I am 30, I have PCOS, I have a temp job and crap insurance.
I feel like I am wasting (or have already wasted) my allotment of fertility over years and years of having shitty insurance that doesn't support fertility treatment, or mates that don't support my wish to reproduce.
Meanwhile, it seems that any reject that forgets to take her pill one time is knocked up.
This leads me to have reproductive jealousy.
Granted, I am not actively trying to conceive since this would put me & my husband into a pit of financial despair and that is a post for another time.
Some days, I long to worry about remembering to take a birth control pill, or "did that condom break??" or "Oh no! My period is late!!" (my period is almost always late). I could construct a small mansion out of the negative pregnancy tests I have taken over the years. Each one a glimmer of hope, dashed at the appearance of just one line.
Surprisingly, a very late period can usually be coaxed out of hiding by taking a pregnancy test. I find that after about 51 days out, a pregnancy test is a good way to get everything back on track.
I stopped reading about trying to conceive, and natural remedies and warning signs...blah blah blah.
All this reading leads to thinking. Thinking which leads to worrying: "Oh my God, did my ovary just explode?" "Oh my God, I am pregnant, but my hormone levels are too low and not triggering the chemical in the Walgreens brand pregnancy test!" (Yeah, I switched to store brand. Less costly.) This worrying would usually lead to doctor's visits, however, since I have shitty insurance (lets call it a "medical discount plan" because that's really what it is. It rewards you for seeing your GP and OB/GYN and punishes you for getting double ear infections, sinusitis and a throat infection on Labor Day, which warranted a trip to the ER...but, I digress...) I would stew in my worry, and this would - I'm assuming - cause my period to be late.
Ah, my period. If my cycle was a person, it would wear a helmet all the time and give strangers great big hugs. It would lick glass and burn itself on the stove, even after being told "No! Hot!" repeatedly.
When I worry, my cycle says "She thinks she's pregnant. So, let's pretend we're pregnant!" It's like a game.
It's only over when I take the test, and cycle says "Whoops! The jig is up! Open the flood gates!"
I know that being in this funk about my reproductive health is irrational.
I don't tell other people how I feel because I don't want them to think I am crazy and obsessed.
I worry how I will react when my friends start to have kids before I do.
I suppose I am lucky that half my friend circle has already had their kids.
I am more worried about people I don't care for getting pregnant, and that they will rub it in my face: "Look! I got pregnant! All I had to do was go off the pill, just for one cycle and bam! Instant fetus!"
I can't really imagine anyone doing this to me, well, because I obviously don't talk to those people and they don't know that I am secretly in competition with them to breed first.
There is a couple that are friends of mine, they got married a few months after me and I remember talking to her about her plans to procreate and she said that a month before she got married, she went to her OB/GYN to discuss "Preparations" for pregnancy. You know, the normal thing that women without reproductive retardation do.
This plan included a timeline for going off the pill, taking prenatal vitamins and waiting for the blessed event.
As she told me this, I was boiling on the inside.
She has no idea I probably will never get pregnant "the old fashioned way", so she had no reason to not talk about it. It's usual married person talk (so I am told.
All I could think about is "If she's pregnant by Christmas, I am just going to die."
Well, the good news is that it's 12/31/2009 - and I haven't gotten an invite to her baby shower yet.
Keeping my fingers crossed that her ovaries didn't make it back through customs after her honeymoon.
I am 30, I have PCOS, I have a temp job and crap insurance.
I feel like I am wasting (or have already wasted) my allotment of fertility over years and years of having shitty insurance that doesn't support fertility treatment, or mates that don't support my wish to reproduce.
Meanwhile, it seems that any reject that forgets to take her pill one time is knocked up.
This leads me to have reproductive jealousy.
Granted, I am not actively trying to conceive since this would put me & my husband into a pit of financial despair and that is a post for another time.
Some days, I long to worry about remembering to take a birth control pill, or "did that condom break??" or "Oh no! My period is late!!" (my period is almost always late). I could construct a small mansion out of the negative pregnancy tests I have taken over the years. Each one a glimmer of hope, dashed at the appearance of just one line.
Surprisingly, a very late period can usually be coaxed out of hiding by taking a pregnancy test. I find that after about 51 days out, a pregnancy test is a good way to get everything back on track.
I stopped reading about trying to conceive, and natural remedies and warning signs...blah blah blah.
All this reading leads to thinking. Thinking which leads to worrying: "Oh my God, did my ovary just explode?" "Oh my God, I am pregnant, but my hormone levels are too low and not triggering the chemical in the Walgreens brand pregnancy test!" (Yeah, I switched to store brand. Less costly.) This worrying would usually lead to doctor's visits, however, since I have shitty insurance (lets call it a "medical discount plan" because that's really what it is. It rewards you for seeing your GP and OB/GYN and punishes you for getting double ear infections, sinusitis and a throat infection on Labor Day, which warranted a trip to the ER...but, I digress...) I would stew in my worry, and this would - I'm assuming - cause my period to be late.
Ah, my period. If my cycle was a person, it would wear a helmet all the time and give strangers great big hugs. It would lick glass and burn itself on the stove, even after being told "No! Hot!" repeatedly.
When I worry, my cycle says "She thinks she's pregnant. So, let's pretend we're pregnant!" It's like a game.
It's only over when I take the test, and cycle says "Whoops! The jig is up! Open the flood gates!"
I know that being in this funk about my reproductive health is irrational.
I don't tell other people how I feel because I don't want them to think I am crazy and obsessed.
I worry how I will react when my friends start to have kids before I do.
I suppose I am lucky that half my friend circle has already had their kids.
I am more worried about people I don't care for getting pregnant, and that they will rub it in my face: "Look! I got pregnant! All I had to do was go off the pill, just for one cycle and bam! Instant fetus!"
I can't really imagine anyone doing this to me, well, because I obviously don't talk to those people and they don't know that I am secretly in competition with them to breed first.
There is a couple that are friends of mine, they got married a few months after me and I remember talking to her about her plans to procreate and she said that a month before she got married, she went to her OB/GYN to discuss "Preparations" for pregnancy. You know, the normal thing that women without reproductive retardation do.
This plan included a timeline for going off the pill, taking prenatal vitamins and waiting for the blessed event.
As she told me this, I was boiling on the inside.
She has no idea I probably will never get pregnant "the old fashioned way", so she had no reason to not talk about it. It's usual married person talk (so I am told.
All I could think about is "If she's pregnant by Christmas, I am just going to die."
Well, the good news is that it's 12/31/2009 - and I haven't gotten an invite to her baby shower yet.
Keeping my fingers crossed that her ovaries didn't make it back through customs after her honeymoon.
Jenn is annoyed
December 24th, 2009
So, this is the first Christmas Eve where I have had to work a late shift at work.
This is the first Christmas Eve that the company I work for didn't let employees leave early.
I realize that this is a regular business day, Thursday December 24.
For most people, this is no big deal. For me, working until 8pm on Christmas Eve means that I miss out on celebrating Christmas with my family.
I will probably make it to my parents' house by 9pm. The food will be all picked through, and the good stuff will be gone. Presents will have been opened and everyone will be winding down.
If I'm lucky, my older nieces and nephews (the ones that are away at college, or living on their own) will still be hanging around, and not rushing off to meet with their friends after spending time with "The Fam".
You might be wondering: "Won't they wait for you to get there before commencing the festivities!?"
The answer is "Probably not."
"Won't they wait to open presents!?"
"Most definitely not."
*sigh*
This is the first Christmas Eve that the company I work for didn't let employees leave early.
I realize that this is a regular business day, Thursday December 24.
For most people, this is no big deal. For me, working until 8pm on Christmas Eve means that I miss out on celebrating Christmas with my family.
I will probably make it to my parents' house by 9pm. The food will be all picked through, and the good stuff will be gone. Presents will have been opened and everyone will be winding down.
If I'm lucky, my older nieces and nephews (the ones that are away at college, or living on their own) will still be hanging around, and not rushing off to meet with their friends after spending time with "The Fam".
You might be wondering: "Won't they wait for you to get there before commencing the festivities!?"
The answer is "Probably not."
"Won't they wait to open presents!?"
"Most definitely not."
*sigh*
Triumph!
December 21st, 2009
As I had mentioned in a previous post, I sit across from a woman with chronic ass-mouth.
She wears perfume to mask it, a lot of perfume. Perfume + ass-mouth = stinky perfume-ass-mouth.
Today, I had a 1:1 with my boss who asked what could make my work experience better.
I told her about ass-mouth.
She said that she will move her.
I nearly hugged my boss today.
I can't wait until stinky mouth moves!
She wears perfume to mask it, a lot of perfume. Perfume + ass-mouth = stinky perfume-ass-mouth.
Today, I had a 1:1 with my boss who asked what could make my work experience better.
I told her about ass-mouth.
She said that she will move her.
I nearly hugged my boss today.
I can't wait until stinky mouth moves!
O hai!
December 17th, 2009
I discovered today that I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about whether or not the people that sit around me at work have smelly feet.
Just now, when I was coming in from a smoke break, and a co-worker was wearing snow boots and I thought "I bet he has smelly feet."
Occasionally, I will catch a whiff of a cross between dog fart and feet.
I have obsessively assertained that it's not coming from me and have decided that it's coming from the woman who sits across from me, airing out her hooves.
I made this decision based on the fact that her breath is atrocious, therefor, she must also have smelly feet.
The air vent is located above her cube, and when it blows, it pushes the air from her area to mine.
Last week, I wanted to cry because I was down-wind of her ass mouth.
This week, she has discovered mints (she should really discover a visit to her dentist for some sort of deep cleaning/ scaling)
For this I am thankful.
I have also started wearing perfume, because when my head is nonchalantly tipped down, I can only smell myself and I smell delicious.
Thank you, J.Lo's "Glow After Dark"
Just now, when I was coming in from a smoke break, and a co-worker was wearing snow boots and I thought "I bet he has smelly feet."
Occasionally, I will catch a whiff of a cross between dog fart and feet.
I have obsessively assertained that it's not coming from me and have decided that it's coming from the woman who sits across from me, airing out her hooves.
I made this decision based on the fact that her breath is atrocious, therefor, she must also have smelly feet.
The air vent is located above her cube, and when it blows, it pushes the air from her area to mine.
Last week, I wanted to cry because I was down-wind of her ass mouth.
This week, she has discovered mints (she should really discover a visit to her dentist for some sort of deep cleaning/ scaling)
For this I am thankful.
I have also started wearing perfume, because when my head is nonchalantly tipped down, I can only smell myself and I smell delicious.
Thank you, J.Lo's "Glow After Dark"
Bloggity blogging
December 10th, 2009
So.
I keep forgetting to blog. Maybe I should RSS feed off someone who blogs regularly, and that would remind me to blog here?
I dunno.
I am currently knitting like a fiend, having made knit-mitments (knitting commitments) that I may not be able to fulfill ("2-4' long celtic cabled scarves, knit and blocked by Christmas? SURE!")
Knitting on a deadline doesn't really work for me. Something always happens and the plan gets sabotaged.
Example, one of the scarves I am knitting was supposed to be a celtic cable pattern, well, after knitting for a bit I discovered that the cable pattern was far too complex and since most of my knitting is done during down time at work, I worried that I wouldn't be able to keep track of the pattern. Also, the cabling made the scarf really dense and heavy. Since it's meant to me more of a ladies' fashion scarf, than one to keep warm - I tossed out the celtic cabling.
OK, now to find a pattern that will work with the yarn, the needle size I have and be a more delicate knit fabric. Also, the pattern needs to be pretty mindless and easy to remember, but still look like I worked really, really hard on it(Ha!).
I found a Wave Stitch scarf pattern, and for some reason, it just wouldn't work. I am assuming that I was knitting the pattern as written. However, I suspect there was errata that was not my fault.
OK, the pattern search is on again - I found "Summer Scarf" which had a delicate V pattern in it. After knitting for about a foot and a half, I noticed that every few rows there wouldn't be enough stitches on my needles.
While listening to Meghan on the Stitch It! podcast, she was talking about the fact that in lace patterns, every decrease needs to have an increase - ex: one row of this pattern was k2tog, yo, SSK - well, that's 2 decreases and only 1 increase, so I was ending up short.
When I held up the scarf to inspect, I found that the V pattern was pretty askew.
Alright! So, that got frogged.
Meanwhile - I have had this yarn since October, it is now 2 weeks until Christmas and I have about 3.5 more feet to knit on this FIRST scarf.
I have the same amount to knit on the other scarf, which is the celtic cabling that I can really only do at home, without distraction.
I found the correct directions for the wave stitch in my stitch dictionary, and even though I can't tell the difference between the first pattern and the new one, it's turning out really nice. I amy dying to see what it will look like blocked.
Alright! Had enough? Good! I'm done!
I keep forgetting to blog. Maybe I should RSS feed off someone who blogs regularly, and that would remind me to blog here?
I dunno.
I am currently knitting like a fiend, having made knit-mitments (knitting commitments) that I may not be able to fulfill ("2-4' long celtic cabled scarves, knit and blocked by Christmas? SURE!")
Knitting on a deadline doesn't really work for me. Something always happens and the plan gets sabotaged.
Example, one of the scarves I am knitting was supposed to be a celtic cable pattern, well, after knitting for a bit I discovered that the cable pattern was far too complex and since most of my knitting is done during down time at work, I worried that I wouldn't be able to keep track of the pattern. Also, the cabling made the scarf really dense and heavy. Since it's meant to me more of a ladies' fashion scarf, than one to keep warm - I tossed out the celtic cabling.
OK, now to find a pattern that will work with the yarn, the needle size I have and be a more delicate knit fabric. Also, the pattern needs to be pretty mindless and easy to remember, but still look like I worked really, really hard on it(Ha!).
I found a Wave Stitch scarf pattern, and for some reason, it just wouldn't work. I am assuming that I was knitting the pattern as written. However, I suspect there was errata that was not my fault.
OK, the pattern search is on again - I found "Summer Scarf" which had a delicate V pattern in it. After knitting for about a foot and a half, I noticed that every few rows there wouldn't be enough stitches on my needles.
While listening to Meghan on the Stitch It! podcast, she was talking about the fact that in lace patterns, every decrease needs to have an increase - ex: one row of this pattern was k2tog, yo, SSK - well, that's 2 decreases and only 1 increase, so I was ending up short.
When I held up the scarf to inspect, I found that the V pattern was pretty askew.
Alright! So, that got frogged.
Meanwhile - I have had this yarn since October, it is now 2 weeks until Christmas and I have about 3.5 more feet to knit on this FIRST scarf.
I have the same amount to knit on the other scarf, which is the celtic cabling that I can really only do at home, without distraction.
I found the correct directions for the wave stitch in my stitch dictionary, and even though I can't tell the difference between the first pattern and the new one, it's turning out really nice. I amy dying to see what it will look like blocked.
Alright! Had enough? Good! I'm done!
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