My Favorite Quote

This week's Thursday Blog Topic comes from Shara @ Desperate Madness



"What is your favorite quote & why?"



Other contributors to the Thursday Blog are:

Melissa @ Merryland Girl

Tracey @ Froggie Knits Like Crazy



This one was easy, although I am sure it will be a brief blog post.

My favorite quote is: "Necessity, who is the mother of invention." from Plato
It's so true, so many things in life have come about because someone needed it.
To a lesser extent, I could quote Big Weld, from the animated movie "Robots" as he said "See a need, fill a need" even though this quote was originally made by Mary Howell.

I find myself quite often saying "Necessity is the mother of invention!", especially when fashioning some rudimentary tool to complete a task.
I don't really have too much to say on this post, as I feel that the quote itself is self-explanatory.

No Meat On Fridays

I am a non-practicing Catholic. I was raised in a Catholic home, abiding by all the rituals and observations.
There are Seven Sacraments that you go through during your life as a Catholic:
Baptism
Eucharist (or First Communion)
Reconciliation (First Confession)
Confirmation
Marriage
Holy Orders
Anointing of the Sick

In the Catholic religion, your parents and godparents are responsible to get you through the first 4 sacraments, even though they say that Confirmation is supposed to be the child's choice, as once it's complete you are considered an adult in the Catholic church.
I never had that choice, I wanted to quit going to CCD (which was the Catholic version of Sunday School, except I went on Wednesdays)
I wanted to quit because it was boring, I was not embracing my religious upbringing at all.
Well, I ended up being confirmed. The whole time I was taking my classes, I was jealous of my friend Lindsey who I had gone to CCD with my whole life, her dad let her make the choice if she wanted to continue, and she said that she didn't. So she was never confirmed.
Once I was confirmed, I continued to go to mass each week until I was 18 when I quit going all together.
I only made it through the first 4 Sacraments. My first marriage was in a Presbyterian Church.

I respect my parents for instilling in me and my siblings a firm religious upbringing, even though none of us observe the Catholic faith. My sisters and their families are part of a very progressive, non-denominational Christian faith based church called "The Chapel" which is really, really nice. They have very nice facilities, and they have a lot of really great programs for all age groups. I have attended services there and really enjoyed them.
My brother doesn't observe regularly, nor do I.
My mom and step-dad still attend St. Joseph's Catholic Church each week for mass.

I was reading one of Tracey's blog posts, and was once again reminded that it's Lent and I have not given anything up nor have I stopped eating meat on Fridays.
My grandmother is still so observant, she recalls her younger days when her family didn't eat any meat during lent and never ate meat on Friday. She doesn't eat meat on Ash Wednesday, or on Fridays throughout the entire year.

When I was in high school, I worked in my parent's restaurant and recall one Friday during Lent when my mom came into the restaurant and saw me eating a hamburger. She took my plate and dumped it in the bus pan.
"We don't eat meat on Fridays during Lent!" and then she was gone.

Present day: I only remember that Lent is upon us because McDonald's starts really pushing the Filet O' Fish sandwich.

Ch-ch-changes!

Alright, I have been thinking all day about this blog.

After my meltdown on Monday and my subsequent Thursday Blog post, I kind of felt like I needed to share what set me off.

First of all, PMS was a strong factor but on Saturday night I heard from an acquaintance that my ex-husband and his wife are expecting a baby.

It sent me reeling.

I have no communication with my ex, it's unnecessary as well as unwanted.

I like it this way.

It has taken me 3 days to really, REALLY understand why hearing that he was having a baby upset me.

Was it because I am still secretly in love with him and wish that it was me that was pregnant by him? OH GOD, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Was it because I wish we had stayed together and had a baby all those years ago? Again, a resounding NO!

After all my crying and wallowing, it came to me: I'm jealous.

I'm jealous because *I* wanted to have a baby first, like it was some unspoken challenge or race.

I secretly felt like they were having a baby to spite me, to furthermore prove how inadequate I am as a woman.

Now, it's laughable. The notion that I even crossed their minds at all is funny. Especially when I imagined it in a spiteful "Ha!" sort of way.

What this has done is actually pretty awesome. It has forced me to really think about my life and what I want from it.

Am I happy? You bet. I love my life, I love my husband and honestly I couldn't be happier.

I can't remember a single time in my life where I have been as content as I am right now.

What is there to be jealous about? That my ex and his wife are ready to start their family? What's my big hurry? There isn't one. I am only 30, and a newlywed. I want to absorb every single moment with Kosta, relish it, because this is the only time in our relationship when we can be completely self-absorbed in just us and I love that.

I love that we aren't rushing into starting a family. We both know that we want to have kids, but are really enjoying our child-free status right now.

So, now that I have clarified that, it brings me to the next order of business.

2011 is when we plan to expand our family. What am I doing to prepare?

Until today? Nothing. I was diagnosed with poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) in 2002 and since I haven't been actively trying to get pregnant, I haven't done anything about it.

This is foolish and irresponsible. I treat my body like a dumpster instead of a temple. I have terrible eating habits, I don't exercise, I drink and I smoke (cigarettes).

Ashamedly, I haven't seen my lady doctor in (GASP!) over 2 years. This will change.

This will ALL CHANGE.

Honestly, I am embarrassed about how I treat my body and even more embarrassed that I have the nerve to balk at my "special ed reproductive system" - what have I done to change it? Nothing.

For years, I have hid behind the excuse of not having medical insurance to help with the PCOS.

I always wanted some "magic cure" to be prescribed that would make everything all better and have finally come to the realization that I don't need prescriptions to help me lose weight or feel better.

In my post on Monday, I said that I sometimes feel that I am more deserving of having a baby than others.

WHAT!? I treat my body like a dirty back alley, I am no more deserving than those I have judged.

So, as the title of this post has stated: It's time for some changes.

We're gonna start slow, making little changes along the way.

Today I decided that each evening when I come home from work, the beagle and I are going to go for a walk.

So, when I walked in the door tonight I laced up my gym shoes and clipped on her leash and off we went.

Beagle was not pleased as this deviates from her usual schedule of being curled up on the sofa. We only walked 2 blocks in about 12 minutes, but it's a start.

I've known for years that PCOS sufferers often benefit from adhering to a Low GI (glycemic index) diet, I don't know the particulars of it, but I think it's because PCOS-related obesity is similar to Type II Diabetes. I know that I am hyperinsulinemic and that my liver is insulin resistant, which causes my blood sugar to be spikey all the time because my pancreas is cranking out more insulin. Or something like that.

I found a simple Diabetic Friendly meal plan that I intend to start tomorrow.

Here we go!

PS: You know what else I learned? Thursday night is laundry night for a lot of houses in our neighborhood. It was the best smelling walk I've ever taken :)

"It will be OK, God has a plan" says everyone I talk to...

Well! It's time again for The Thursday Post.
This week's topic was chosen by Tracey @ Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Other contributers on the topic can be found here:
Merryland Girl
Desperate Madness

This week's topic: God's Plan For Your Life.
"It's all part of God's plan for you."
I am sure everyone has heard this at some point in your lives, usually when enduring one of life's many trials.
It's almost always said with the best of intentions, but I think that even the most devout don't always believe it. It's hard to imagine that something so awful (death, loss or general misfortune) would ever be part of anyone's plan, let alone "God's Plan".

In 2000, I got married to my first husband. Let me preface this by saying that marriage to this person was a bad decision. We had dated for 2 years and my self-esteem was so low that I thought he was the only one for me.
So wrong.
We were ridiculous, melodramatic and so so so immature. We broke up 4 times during our marriage and even dated other people (I can't imagine now how I *EVER* rationalized that to myself as being OK, when the very idea now makes me sick.)
On more than one occasion, we had divorce papers drawn up.
His family disliked me because they thought I was a gold digger (I wasn't) and I disliked them because they judged my family because they had more money that we did (or so I thought at the time)
Separately, we were good people. Together, we were a train wreck.
He was a nice guy, well-liked and a hard worker. He didn't have much tact and said hurtful things a lot, but I don't think he ever meant it maliciously.
So, in the fall of 2002, we were back together and ready to "play house" as my sister once called it.
After having had unprotected sex for about a year, nothing happened.
I found out that I have poly-cystic ovaries, and that makes getting pregnant difficult.
Not to mention, it made (and continues to make) me feel inadequate as a woman.
No one else in my family had trouble getting pregnant, so everyone always said "God has a plan for you. It will happen when the time is right."
I just wanted to start throwing punches whenever I heard that.
I was impatient, I felt like I had no time to wait for "God's Plan".

So, we decided (I guess I should say "I decided") that we were going to go through fertility treatment. I was poked and prodded, taking pills and getting injections, and internal ultrasounds, the works.
All I wanted in the world was to get pregnant. I didn't care if anyone thought it was a bad idea, because I thought it was a FANTASTIC idea!
On December 21, 2002 I had a procedure called an IUI (intra-uterine insemination)
On Christmas Eve, we told his family what we had done, expecting to hear how excited they were about the possibility of having their first grandchild.
His mom said "Oh. I don't think that is a very good idea."
Well, the procedure failed and when the reproductive endocrinologist suggested we go on injectible fertility drugs, my husband vehemently said "No."
There was no discussion, no nothing. It was all over.
I have it on good authority that his mother told him to put the kabosh on the plan.
I felt horrible and my love for him dwindled until it was down to nothing. We basically lived separate lives, even though we were under the same roof. We didn't split up, but we basically lived like room mates. Anything I ever felt for him was gone. I was so angry that he took away my choice to have a baby. We split up in August of 2005 because I couldn't live my life with someone who made me feel so terrible.
We never got back together, and our divorce was final in early 2007.

Even though I was so angry and resentful that I didn't get pregnant, I count my blessings today that I am not linked to him for the rest of my life.
Our relationship was terrible, I was immature and even though I thought I was ready to start a family - I wasn't able to see the magnitude of the commitment that would have been. Our relationship would have deteriorated whether or not we had a baby, because we had other issues.
I've since learned that babies are not "band-aids" to make a relationship work.
I wasn't able to see the very clear disapproval his family had for me, because I had made poor decisions during our marriage.

Present Day: I am now remarried to an amazing man and finally at a place in my life where I feel I can really be part of something truly wonderful.
We haven't started trying for a family yet, but when we do, it is going to be so much more meaningful and worthwhile because it's something we both want.

Feeling a lot less crazy

Well, after work I stopped over by my mom's house and cried and blubbered and now I feel so much better.
Sometimes, you just have to let your crazy out.

In which I wallow in self-pity

More and more people around me are starting their families, or adding to them and I can't help but think: "When is it our turn?"
I'd like to add that it's my heart that asks this question. My mind knows damn well that this is probably the worst time to start a family.
I am trying to come to grips with my fertility issues.
While it really saves on contraception, fertility issues make me feel awful.
I feel like less of a woman.
That on the most primitive level, I can't even do what I was made to do, breed.
I am not looking for attention.
I don't want anyone to tell me "God has a plan..." because I already have a post for that (check back Thursday)
I don't want to hear about a cousin's friend who was told she couldn't get pregnant, but by some miracle she did - because I have heard all this before.

I just need to be able to say what I have on my mind, because if I don't, I feel like I will explode.
I am jealous of people with babies. I sometimes feel that other people are less deserving of having babies. Which in turn, makes me feel even more terrible. How can I feel that I deserve to have a baby more than someone else?
These feelings make me lfeel a crazy person.
I feel like I have no one to talk to that really understands how I feel.
I have been searching the internet for a forum and haven't been able to find one that really fits me.

A most unexpected friendship

A friend of mine recently suggested that it might be fun to get a group of bloggers together to contribute a weekly blog post on the same subject, then link to each other's blogs so that we can all see the posts.
Since I am all for being given a topic to write about, I said I was in.

It was decided that Thursday would be the post day, and guess what today is? Thursday!
The inaugural topic was chosen by Melissa (www.merrylandgirl.blogspot.com)
Other bloggers contributing are:
Desperate Madness
Froggie Knits Like Crazy

At first, I really didn't know what I was going to say about this topic as all my friendships have been formed in the traditional fashion.
There is one recent friendship that some people may find odd. I am good friends with my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. I am actually even friends with my ex-boyfriend, but that's a little more predictable.

So, here's the back story:
2006-2008, I dated Mike. We got a long great, but never really clicked in an adult way - like "who is going to pay this bill?" or "how come we have no money for groceries?". I had a very naive way of thinking, I just assumed that because he was the man, I would give my wages to him and he would suss out all the financial details. This was not the case.
I had never actually *told* him of this arrangement, I kind of just expected it.
I came to find out later, that he was looking for the same from me.
We were both financially irresponsible, and in the end no matter how well you get on as friends or lovers, money problems cause civil unrest to the point where all you can do is end it.
And end it did. Abruptly and heartbreakingly.
I will skip past the pathetic and desperate ramblings of the dumped (me) and bring you to May 2009.
A lot had changed since Mike and I had broken up. We managed to squeak past the awkwardness for the sake of our social circle, and eventually learned to casually co-exist.
I was (and continue to be) completely smitten with the man who would become my husband, so it was easy to forget about my heartbreak.
Mike brought his girlfriend, Lisa, to a friend's BBQ and I was really, really nervous to meet her. Part of me was afraid that she would be rude or (gasp!) better looking than me.
That meeting was quite uneventful. She was polite, but reserved. We didn't really talk, and when Mike and I would bring up an inside joke, or refer to an event that occurred before she was in his life, she did look visibly annoyed.
Then, I heard that the social circle started to divide because no one wanted to host an awkward gathering where the ex and the current were giving each other the stink eye across the room. (For the record, that never happened)
In September of 2009, we all went to a birthday party and I was so nervous that I ended up inadvertantly getting drunk.
While not so great for my liver, imbibing usually cuts down on my shyness and makes me quite friendly (not that I use booze as a social lubricant very often...)
Lisa and I started chatting, and by the end of the night we were friends on Facebook.
She's a really great person, and we have a lot in common. She has a great sense of humor and I am glad that we are friends.
I think they are great together, and I am glad to have found an unexpected friendship in her.

Lazy, Lazy, Lazy!

This past 2 weeks has been kind of rough for me.
I have been in a funk that I just can't shake. I think it's the combination of winter gloom & the oppressive volume of work I have been doing lately, along with a dash of PMS.
In an attempt to hoard all the overtime I could manage at work, I find that I have not left myself very much time for myself and my family.
I feel stretched too thin, and that weekends are just not enough to recoup from the previous week.
Now that work has slowed down, it's been difficult to enjoy the slower pace and being able to sleep in a little bit since the overtime has ended.
Such a Catch-22.
The only thing I have managed to do is knit(and watch 3 seasons of 30 Rock on Netflix). A couple of co-workers are having babies and there will be the obligatory baby showers, for which I knit booties.
I am not really in a financial position to be able to contribute to the monetary gifts being collected for these co-workers, so I decided to knit.
However, it feels odd to knit for people I don't really know, wondering if the booties I have made will be used, or just tossed aside. Even though it was a simple pattern, and that I was technically getting paid to knit them since I knit them at work during down time, I still feel like I am giving a little bit of myself away.
Knitting is the only thing I have been productive at lately.
I have great ambitions of taking walks on my lunch break around our office complex, eating better and using my Wii Fit regularly.
I am a little ashamed to admit that in the last 3 months, I have used the Wii Fit twice, and once was to weigh the dog. As it turns out, she's overweight too.
I also aspire to wake up earlier so that when I dress for work, I don't look like I just rolled out of bed (which I did).
I also find it disconcerting that I have been wearing swishy nylon track pants to work. Our dress code is very lax, and it's common to see folks in jammy pants. I never thought I would have "Windpant Wednesdays" but the "swish swish" sound I make as I change positions in the computer chair have alerted me to the fact that "Windpant Wednesdays" is no longer something I can say I don't participate in.
(insert audible sigh here)
I can't wait for spring.

In which I declare that I am a negligent blogger.

Don't say I didn't warn you about sporadic blog posts!

Anyways, this past week has been completely exhausting.
I work for a company that processes pay roll for small businesses and it's tax season.
The clients are on edge, I am mentally exhausted.
I did get a nice treat on Wednesday night when I was able to change my schedule and slip out of work early so that I could go see a Chicago Blackhawks game! My first ever!
Even though they lost, I still had fun :)

I have had lots of blog ideas rolling around in my noggin all week, and I forgot to write them down.
I finally have time to breathe and get a blog post up and I can't think of anything to write about.

I have been knitting dish cloths again. They are my "go to" instant gratification projects, as they usually only take a few hours and you can see when you're almost finished.

OK, apparently the phones aren't slow enough for me to do a full post without interruption.
I will be back later

For Tommy

This joke may be in poor taste, but I will always have the memory of Tommy making us all laugh our asses off when he told it.


One afternoon, Pat met Mick, whom he hadn't seen for quiet some time. After chatting for a while, Pat asked Mick what he was doing with himself at the moment. Mick told Pat that he was Studying at University College in Dublin.

"Jazuz." said Pat..."And what are you Studying?."

"Logic" replied Mick.

"What's Logic?" said Pat.

"Well!" said Mick...."Do You Have a GoldFish?" Pat: "I do!"

Mick: "So ..you probably have the Fish for your Kids!"
Pat: "That's Right!"

Mick: "So.. Having Kids means your probably married...!"
Pat: "That's Right!"

Mick: "So Being Married means you're not a Homosexual!"
Pat: "That's Right!"

Mick Explains that it was Logic that allowed him to figure all that out. The Boys say Goodbye and head off in different directions.

An hour later, Pat meets his mate Shamey!. After a while Shamey asked Pat had he seen Mick around. Pat explains that he met Mick only an hour ago.Shamey said: "And what's old Mick doing with Himself?". Pat replies "He's studying at the University". Shamey: "And What's He Studying?".

Pat: "Logic!"

Shamey: "And What's Logic?"

Pat: "Let me Explain....Do you have a GoldFish?"

Shamey: "I Don't!"

Pat: "You're a fag!"