More and more people around me are starting their families, or adding to them and I can't help but think: "When is it our turn?"
I'd like to add that it's my heart that asks this question. My mind knows damn well that this is probably the worst time to start a family.
I am trying to come to grips with my fertility issues.
While it really saves on contraception, fertility issues make me feel awful.
I feel like less of a woman.
That on the most primitive level, I can't even do what I was made to do, breed.
I am not looking for attention.
I don't want anyone to tell me "God has a plan..." because I already have a post for that (check back Thursday)
I don't want to hear about a cousin's friend who was told she couldn't get pregnant, but by some miracle she did - because I have heard all this before.
I just need to be able to say what I have on my mind, because if I don't, I feel like I will explode.
I am jealous of people with babies. I sometimes feel that other people are less deserving of having babies. Which in turn, makes me feel even more terrible. How can I feel that I deserve to have a baby more than someone else?
These feelings make me lfeel a crazy person.
I feel like I have no one to talk to that really understands how I feel.
I have been searching the internet for a forum and haven't been able to find one that really fits me.
i'm sorry you feel so alone in this. are there any support groups on facebook?
ReplyDeletei won't feed you any garbage you don't want to hear. however, i totally agree with you about people being less deserving. i read about a family that was starving their adopted children and wondering how they were allowed to adopt, let alone breed their own children (they had a few of their own). i think of people who treat their kids like dirt and abuse them and then i get all pissed off because people who are caring and would make wonderful parents are deprived of such an opportunity to have children. so don't feel terrible about thinking it. it's totally unfair and it sucks!!!
Thank you, Melissa :)
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