Lessons Learned

I have a few friends who knit and blog and we've decided to embark on a blog project that has nothing to do with knitting. We're going to take turns coming up with a topic every Thursday and we each have to blog about it by the end of that day and post links to each other's blogs so that people can see our different perspectives on the same topic.

-Thanks to Merryland Girl for this explanation of the Thursday Blog Project.


Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Merryland Girl
Desperate Madness

This week's Thursday blog topic comes from...me!

"Tell me how you were raised - are there any lessons that your parent(s) taught you that you didn't appreciate when you were younger, but understand now that you're an adult?"

I was primarily raised by my mom and my older sisters. My parents divorced when I was eight, but even before that, my dad worked 3rd shift and I really only saw him on the weekends anyways.
My mom ran a tight ship, she always worked full-time and expected that my sisters and I handle the housework on Saturdays before we could go out and have our fun.
Each Saturday morning, my mom created a list of chores for each person to do.
These chores needed to be done, or be in progress by the time she came home from work at 3pm and had to be completed to her satisfaction before we could have permission to do whatever on Saturday afternoon/ night.
If you are reading this and thinking "Damn! What were you? Cinderella?" - that's exactly what all my friends thought, too.
When I was old enough to get added to the list, my chores were usually making my bed, emptying the bathroom trash, vacuuming. Nothing too crazy, despite what I thought at the time.
As I got older, my older sisters married and moved out and my mom tweaked our Saturday Chore Lists - still nothing crazy.
It wasn't like she inspected our work with a white glove, but she could always tell when we half-assed it.

Looking back, I used to think that my mom was treating me and my sisters like slaves. It was so unfair that I couldn't go out with my friends because I didn't do my chores.

My mom taught me that just because we were kids didn't mean that she had to do everything. She taught us skills like how to iron shirts and pants the right way (not that I ever do, but I know how!) the proper way to clean a bathroom and a kitchen. She taught us that doing the dishes includes drying, putting away, wiping down the counters & tables and sweeping the floor.
To this day, I am not the neatest person, but I can clean a bathroom & kitchen better than any cleaning service ever could.
It wasn't about using us as maids, it was about learning to do things for ourselves and being responsible.

My mom did so much for us growing up, and I never realized her sacrifices.

She was a single mom with four kids, she worked like a dog and never, ever took a sick day.

I can't say that my mom was the most loving and supportive mother, but she did what she could and we were never left wanting anything.

We always felt loved and cared for.

My 3 older siblings had started families of their own, but my brother and his girlfriend struggled the most. My mom was always there to babysit for them, give them a place to stay or a ride to and from work.

This caused dissent amongst my older sisters who felt that my brother was getting special treatment, since my mom rarely ever helped them out.

As time went on, my nieces and nephews grew (and continue to grow) up.

And now it was time for Round 2.

My mom remarried my awesome stepdad, who had two daughters of his own.

My two younger stepsisters became mothers at a very young age and my mom and stepdad swooped in to help them raise their kids.

At this time, I was the one who was upset and felt that my stepsisters were getting special treatment. Why should they get all the attention? I should be the Golden Child because I wasn't bringing babies into the world that I couldn't care for! Why are they so special?

One day, I asked my mom: why did some of us get more than the others?

And she simply replied "Because they needed it."

And it's true. My mom never babysat for my brother and his girlfriend to have a night out - it was so they could both work.

They weren't borrowing money so they could buy frivolous things, it was so they could buy groceries and feed their children when money was tight.

It all made sense.

We were all raised the same way, by the same mother in the same house.

She knows which of us can handle with stride the challenges that life sends our way, and she knows which of us cannot.

The relationship I have with my mom is great, finally being able to see the big picture - what all her hard work was for - it was for us.

Everything she did was so that we would all grow up to be good people with good morals.

And we are.