Charmingly Random

"It tasted like cloves & ass"

2011-09-20T22:01:00.003-05:00

Topical Tuesday is a weekly blog project in which 4...er FIVE! people contribute their individual spin on the same topic.

My fellow bloggers are:

This week's topic comes from Shara: "Pumpkins. Now, go!"

With all this commotion about the infamous Pumpkin Spice Latte, I found myself compelled to try it.

Usually, I am a white chocolate mocha (non-fat/ no-whip) with an extra shot gal. After hearing Shara go on about it, and my boss shouting "Jamba Juice has the Pumpkin Smash again!" I thought to myself, "I like pumpkin pie, why not give it a shot?' and gave in last Friday.

My latte was one of EPIC FAIL.

I ordered it through the drive through and due to lactose intolerance issues, it was a non-fat, no-whip. The drink tasted SLIGHTLY of pumpkin spices for the first half of the drink, then (without warning) changed to "OMG! PUMPKINSPICEEXPLOSION!" for the last half.

It wasn't stirred and the coffee part floated to the top and whatever makes it a "Pumpkin Spice Latte" fell to the bottom.

I drank it all because I am cheap, and wasn't going to waste $5 to throw it away.

It turned my tongue orange and made me feel sick.

In the future, if I want something that tastes like pumpkin pie...I will just eat a slice of pumpkin pie.

And to turn this blog from being all "debbie downer", here is a picture of my skilled hubby's pumpkin carving prowess:

We're naming the baby Dutch Ascot!

2011-09-12T20:01:00.004-05:00

Topical Tuesday is a weekly blog project in which 4...er FIVE! people contribute their individual spin on the same topic.

My fellow bloggers are:

This week's topic comes from Sara: Which celebrity are you sick of and why?

I can only pick ONE??

I am not a fan of celebrities, in general. My intense dislike mainly stems from celebrities who name their kids STUPID names.

So, being the child of a famous person isn't enough, they have to have ridiculous names as well?

Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon, I am looking DIRECTLY AT YOU.

Monroe I can stand, but Moroccan? You named your baby a nationality! Morocco is cool, you could've called him Rocco for short, but no. You took it one letter too far.

I could rant about this all day, seriously, but I won't.

It's one thing to be creative, and give your child a name that you've thought about and spoken out loud. A name that is just adorable on an infant, and stays that way as they grow up.

Is Moroccan Cannon (OMG, just say that out loud right now. Moroccan Cannon.) going to be a lawyer? A doctor? He could be. All I can say is at least he'll be rich.

It's like a car wreck, horrifying...yet I can't look away

2011-08-30T19:53:00.002-05:00

Topical Tuesday is a weekly blog project in which 4...er FIVE! people contribute their individual spin on the same topic.

My fellow bloggers are:

This week's topic comes from me!

"What is your guilty pleasure?"

My guilty pleasure? DVR'ing crappy TV shows.

The biggest offender has to be my addiction to "Teen Mom" because Amber Portwood is a HOT MESS. I can't stop watching, either and I am always astounded at her shenanigans.

I know it's reality TV, and scandal sells - but damn.

I am not a devout watcher of reality TV, because I get too drawn in and have to remind myself that the bulk of the content is all for the cameras, but give me A & E marathons of "Obsessed", "Intervention", "My Strange Addiction" you name it, I will watch it.

I really don't know what draws me in to this, watching Hoarders makes me want to clean. Watching Intervention makes me glad I am not on meth. Sadly, I just find "My Strange Addiction" to be funny. Who eats dryer lint? Who snacks on couch stuffing? Really?

Maybe it's a classic case of Schadenfreude (the German word for pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.)

"Your daughter's 2nd birthday party? This weekend?" PASS.

2011-08-24T20:02:00.004-05:00

Topical Tuesday is a weekly blog project in which 4 people contribute their individual spin on the same topic.

My Fellow Bloggers are:
Shara
Sara
Wendy
and a big, bloggy welcome to Nicole!

This week's topic comes from Wendy!

"People either love em, or hate em; have them, or avoid them. How do you feel about birthday parties? (bonus points for sharing a birthday party story...)

I have 2 stances on this:

I LOVE my birthday (of course!) Historically, my birthday has great memories and to avoid completely ripping off a blog post I've already written on the topic, you can click HERE to read it.

Now, I will tell you Mean Jenn's stance on birthdays:

I cannot stand being invited to children's birthday parties for children I do not know. This has come up in the past with work friends or friends that I only know because we would see each other out socially, when said children are being tended to elsewhere.

This was especially awkward when I was single.

Why you ask? Let me list the reasons:

1) While I enjoy children, I have none of my own. Sometimes, I am at a loss as to what a 5 year old might like - I am guessing it's not the $10 bill I just put in a card, that I bought at Walgreens on my way to the party.

2) How awkward is it to be the only single person, without kids at an acquaintance's child's party? Not only do I not know the kid, I also don't know anyone else. I'll be over there...by the veggie platter...by myself, counting the minutes before I can say "I am SO SORRY I can't stay longer! I really must go."

3) I am not really a fan of cake. I know this is a birthday thing, and not a kid's birthday thing. I spent YEARS attending birthday parties for a friend's children where the mother would be PERSONALLY OFFENDED if I did not ingest her homemade cake. Don't get me wrong, it was very good. I just don't care for cake. I need to be in the mood for it. And it has to be chocolate.

3a) Why don't kids ever have chocolate birthday cake at their parties?? Is it for clean-up purposes? I swear, my kids will ONLY have chocolate birthday cakes. Damn the mess!

4) Small talk with people I don't know. "How do you know So & So?" - We work together. Then the awkward glance around the room "Which one of these little darlings are yours?" - None. "Oh. Do you have children?" - No, I do not. Then they are as confused as I am - who invites childless people to kid's birthday parties?

The exception to this rule, is family kid birthday parties. I am especially looking forward to my littlest niece, Gianna's 1st birthday this November.

My Earworm

2011-08-16T17:00:00.004-05:00

Topical Tuesday is a weekly blog project in which 4 people contribute their individual spin on the same topic.

My Fellow Bloggers are:
Shara
Sara
Wendy
and a big, bloggy welcome to Nicole!

(My apologies for my formatting on the links for the last blog entry, apparently all links went to Wendy!)

This week, it's Shara's turn to give us a topic and here is what she has to say: "It's my turn for the next topic, which is: We all love music, right?! Music makes the world go 'round!! BUT - there's that one song that you wake up in the middle of the night, and it's in your head, and it just won't leave. What is that song?"

I would love to say it's a song that I love and that when I hear it, I swoon. However, it is not. 'That One Song' for me is any song that I am currently sick to death of. Right now, it is "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele. Past offenders have been "How Far Is Heaven" by the Los Lonely Boys, and "Handlebars" by the Flobots.

On occasion, there will be a song that comes out and I will just hate it immediately, but due to constant airplay, I end up knowing all the words and singing along and eventually liking it.

Currently, that song is "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. The first time I heard this song, it was played 6 times during my workday and I was seriously perturbed. Now, I love it. It gives me goosebumps when I hear it.

When I first caught myself singing along to it, I immediately thought of Emma Stone's character in Easy A singing "Pocketful of Sunshine"

I rarely listen to the radio to avoid being bombarded by songs being overplayed, but then I miss out on new music.

I am trying to expose myself to new & different genres of music by entering random artist names in last.fm and using the Genius feature on my iTunes. Mostly, I just find what Kosta is listening to, and pick through that :)

2011-08-09T00:00:00.000-05:00

Topical Tuesday is a weekly blog in which 4 people contribute their view on a single topic.

My fellow bloggers are:

Shara
Sara
Wendy

This week, Sara asks: "I want to know if given the chance would you want to go back and relive your high school glory days???.."

I have been composing this blog in my head all week, and have put so many spins on it.

My high school days were most certainly not my "glory days" (that title goes to my early 20's - but has been aptly renamed "my would-be college years" since I never went to college.)
Looking back on high school, I don't even have the fuzzy selective memories of having so much fun & having awesome friends that some folks do - subconsciously blocking out the time you farted during study hall and that guy you had a crush on laughed at you - for the record, that never happened to me...I had plenty of embarrassing things happen to me but was fortunate that they were not of the body-function variety.

If I get to relive high school, do I have to relive it and hope it's better the second time around or do I get to have the knowledge I've gained in the 14 years since graduating?
If I had to go back and do it again as the stupid teenager I was, I can guarantee that I would get the same result as the first time around. And going back as a stupid teenager with a 32 year old's wisdom? I don't think I could tolerate it.

You know how they say that every choice you've made in your life brings you to where you are now? I LOVE my life now. I spent so many years being sad and miserable, what if I relived high school and made a different decision and as a result, I never met my husband?

Yeah, it's possible that different choices could have led me somewhere better, someone I loved just as much as I love Kosta, a job that I love that pays more? It's a gamble, and rather than risk losing what I love so much for something better than may not even be better - I will pass on reliving high school and choose to live the here & now instead.

Anti-social Networking

2011-08-03T09:37:00.002-05:00

Topical Tuesday is a weekly blog in which 4 people contribute their view on a single topic.

My fellow bloggers are:

Shara
Sara
Wendy

This week's topic was my own, and is presented to you late...please forgive me!
"What is your preferred method of social networking?"

Is it possible to both loathe and love Facebook?
I keep a tight ship and only have people as friends on FB whom I am interested in hearing about. I regularly "cull the herd" and remove people I am no longer in contact with, or people who don't post anything to keep my interest. I have also deleted people who's statuses are a barrage of negativity or crazy conspiracy theories - I have no time for this.
In a perfect world, I wish I wasn't so attached to FB and had the guts to just quit it altogether. However, I find myself compelled to post my random pics and statuses for mine and other's enjoyment. I aspire to migrate to Google+ eventually, as I would like to sort who does and doesn't see certain things.
I sometimes feel that FB is too much of a commitment to maintain, I think that I am probably just thinking too much into it...

"Baby, baby, let me sleep on it, I'll give you an answer in the morning!"

2011-07-26T18:02:00.006-05:00

Happy Topical Tuesday!

Topical Tuesday is a weekly blog in which 4 people contribute their view on a single topic.

My fellow bloggers are:

Shara

Sara

Wendy

This week's topic is courtesy of Wendy!

"What do you do to personally RE-BOOT?" When you're over-stressed, underpaid, overwhelmed and just depleted all all energy and enthusiasm, what do you do to get yourself internally re-charged and powered back up?"

Those who know me personally can confirm that I believe SLEEP is the cure for EVERYTHING. (Think Gus with the Windex from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding")

Having a bad day? Take a nap!

Feel like you're coming down with something? Take a nap!

The world and all it's inhabitants clearly have it out for you? You guessed it, take a nap!

When I am down and out, and feel like I am at the end of my rope - it is generally as a result of some sort of sleep deprivation. I am sure this applies to most humans, when I am tired - I can't focus, things get forgotten. Obligations are not met - this leads to me feeling completely overwhelmed and out of control, weepy and utterly without the ability to reason (Think 3 year old that missed their nap)

When I am well-rested, all faculties are restored. Mountains resume their existence as molehills, and I can think clearly again.

As I get older (wiser, better?) and anticipate what my life will be like when I have children, I imagine I will need to find a new way to reboot when sleep-deprived. In my experience, children are not generally keen to "Be good while mommy takes a nap".

Hello Again!

2011-07-19T08:00:00.001-05:00

I have come out of hibernation to blog!

Shara proposed that we bring the blog project back! It's a little different this time around, we have some new bloggers added to the mix! Welcome Sara & Wendy to Topical Tuesdays!

This week's topic is courtesy of Shara, who asks:

"What do you like to do to keep cool on a hot day?"

Oh boy, Shara! I don't think this topic could be much more topical!

Well, the past few weeks in northern IL have been pretty darn hot! Today was no exception!

I wish I could say that I take advantage of the warmth, truth is - I HATE to be sweaty.

On a sweltering summer day, you can find me poolside or in my makeshift "meat locker" of a bedroom.

I am fortunate to have family in the vicinity with pools & my husband, Kosta, got so tired of me complaining about how hot it was in our bedroom and even though we have central air, he bought us a window air conditioner.

Yesterday, I got up a little earlier than usual for a Sunday because I knew it was going to be a hot one. I mowed the lawn, then Kosta and I went for a run - and I can't tell you how awesome it was to pop in the shower, then lounge on the bed for the afternoon in the delicious, crisp AC.

I am Jenn's Un-Talent

2010-07-08T00:00:00.000-05:00

This week's topic comes from: Melissa @ Merryland Girl

what is your not-so-special talent (something strange, not artsy)?

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog Project are:

Froggie Knits Like Crazy

Desperate Madness

I can remember song lyrics. I can actually remember anything when it's set to music.

I know all the words to The Animaniacs song "The Nations Of The World" and absolutely LOVE Schoolhouse Rock's Grammar Rock.

I can honestly say that I have the pronoun song on my iPod (Rufus Xavier Sarsparilla)

When I was a wee lass, my dad often spent Saturdays in his basement workshop doing guy-type workshop things and listening to the record player.

My dad was quite fond of folk music, like Peter, Paul & Mary, The Kingston Trio, John Denver etc.

Fast forward about 20 years, I randomly heard the song "Lemon Tree" by Peter Paul & Mary and knew all the words. I was intrigued, and racked my brain to see if I could retrieve anymore of these historic songs and found "Bottle of Wine" as sung by Judy Collins - yup, knew all the words to that one too...

Several years later, I was watching the end credits to the movie "Thank You For Smoking" and what should I hear? Kingston Trio - Greenback Dollar

I sang along with the chorus.

I still know the words to 1990's New Kids On The Block songs, many 80's standards...you name it. If it was mainstream, I probably know the words. At the very least, I can sing the chorus.

And on a completely unrelated thread, having nothing to do with this week's topic but having everything to do with The Thursday Blog Project, I regret to inform that this will be my last group blog post.

I have had so much fun over the past months, learning so much about Melissa, Shara & Tracey but have decided that it's time to move on.

I hope to blog more independently, so stay tuned!

Happy Independence Day!

2010-07-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

Hello Loyal Blog Readers!

This is an advisement that there will be no 7/1/10 Thursday Blog Posting.

We are taking a little break to enjoy our country's freedom!

In light of having no Thursday Blog to read, may I suggest some alternative activities?

1. Go outside, catch fireflies in an old pickle jar (please, remove pickles, clean jar and poke holes in the lid first)

2. Watch some patriotic movies - like Independence Day, or Yankee Doodle Dandy (or Born on the 4th of July, which is pretty depressing, actually.)

3. Write your own damn blog.

4. Light sparklers, and dance in the dark outside (away from where strangers can see you, you don't want to get committed do you?)

5. Declare your own independence from your a-hole boss or personal hygiene! (Warning: declaration of independence from your a-hole boss may cause job loss, declaring independence from personal hygiene may cause spouse loss)

6. Drink before noon.

7. Eat enough potato salad to choke a horse.

Finally, have a safe and happy Independence Day!

Old habits like you, are hard to break...

2010-06-24T00:00:00.001-05:00

This week's topic comes from me: Tell me about your worst habit(s)

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog Project are:

Desperate Madness

Froggie Knits Like Crazy

Merryland Girl

I must admit that this topic comes pretty easy for me, and for those of you who have seen recent Facebook status updates, you know that I recently quit smoking.

I have smoked, consistently, since I was 15 years old.

I will not lie and say how FANTASTIC I feel not smoking, or how clean everything smells and how much better everything tastes, because at this point - I just want a cigarette.

Granted, it's only been a week and I still catch myself thinking "Ooh! It's almost time for a break, I can go have a smoke."

Or thinking about lighting up when I get in the car after work.

As I am typing this, it feels very counterproductive. I should probably tell you why I chose to quit, rather than drool at my screen while I long to light up.

* My health - a few months ago, I wrote about making changes in how I take care of myself and I realized that it doesn't matter if I am working out, eating right and taking a vitamin if I still smoke a pack a day.

(For the record, I am still not working out...baby steps...)

* My company is offering a non-smoker discount which gives me a $30 credit per pay period to be smoke free during the next plan year. So not only am I saving money not buying cigarettes, I am also getting $60 a month off my insurance.

* I plan on getting pregnant in the next year, and I would have quit then anyways. It's a different story when it's not just affecting my health.

So, I am getting through it.

I am edgy, irritable and pretty much shove anything in my mouth that I can chew violently on.

Yesterday, I bit a huge chunk out of my tongue while angrily chewing gum.

The pros?

I have yet to brutally murder anyone & I have been knitting a lot more.

...So don't be afraid to let them show...your true colors

2010-06-17T13:59:00.004-05:00

I have a few friends who knit and blog and we've decided to embark on a blog project that has nothing to do with knitting. We're going to take turns coming up with a topic every Thursday and we each have to blog about it by the end of that day and post links to each other's blogs so that people can see our different perspectives on the same topic.
-Thanks to Merryland Girl for this explanation of the Thursday Blog Project.

This week's topic comes from Shara @ Desperate Madness
If you were a color, what color would you be?

Other contributor's to the Thursday Blog Project are:
Merryland Girl
Froggie Knits Like Crazy

I think that if I have learned anything from doing the Thursday Blog Project, it's that I can never choose just one thing - whether it's a quirk, a favorite time, anything.
This post is going to be no exception!
When I was little, I LOVED royal blue, that bright shiny blue that you often see on old muscle cars, or on kid's bikes.
Anything in that color, I was always drawn to.
As I have gotten older, I found that I prefer combinations of colors - like, lime green and chocolate brown, or Tiffany box blue & matte black.
Those two are my favorites at the moment.

"...na na why don't you get a job?"

2010-06-10T00:00:00.003-05:00

This week's topic comes from Tracey @ Froggie Knits Like Crazy

"one of my favorite parts about my life is . . ."

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog Project are:

Merryland Girl

Desperate Madness

One of my favorite parts about my life is...

My work ethic, and how much it has changed.

Until a few years ago, I made up every possible excuse to miss work or even to quit a job.

I was very much "The Boy Who Cried Wolf", I had flat tires, car troubles, illness, illness in my family - all of these made up.

I was chronically late to work, and after awhile, no one believes your excuses any more.

I have lost more than one job in my working years from absenteeism, or tardiness.

The thing is that I have always been good at my job - no matter what I was doing. I just couldn't get there on time.

I had made up excuses to leave work early, come in late - I've made excuses that I won't even repeat because they are AWFUL.

It wasn't until I spent 5 months out of work that I had an epiphany: If I hadn't bullshitted my way through so many jobs, I would probably still be employed right now.

I took a long, hard look at myself and wondered "Is this how I want to live my life? Jumping from job to job, temp agency to temp agency until I have burned all my bridges?"

I received a job offer in July 2009 to work at an online payroll company in Schaumburg, IL. The pay was several dollars lower than what I was used to making, and the drive was further. However, after being unemployed and having no unemployment benefits for almost 6 months, I decided to give it a shot.

I went to a group interview determined to dazzle my potential employers and made a promise to myself that if I got this job, I would use this opportunity to pull my reputation out of the dumps.

Well, I dazzled them alright!

And after 8 months on a temporary position, I was hired permanently.

There was a substantial pay raise and a benefits package that is OUT OF THIS WORLD.

It wasn't hard to change my ways, and being on time wasn't as hard as it used to be. I love my work and my co-workers, so unless I am truly sick - I never miss a day. There were a few times when I tried to go to work, got there and got sent home for looking like death.

When I have called in sick, no one assumes that I am lying - when I come back, they are genuinely concerned about my wellbeing. There is a lot to be said for being trustworthy.

At my mid-year review, my supervisor was going over my performance and said that my attendance was outstanding.

I made her repeat herself and wanted to cry, because in my entire life no other employer had ever said that before.

Virtual Friendships

2010-06-02T22:19:00.006-05:00

This week's topic comes from Melissa @ Merryland Girl

What is the longest relationship you've had with someone whom you've never met in person? (Talk about how you met, what your friendship has been like, etc.) Do you think you'll ever get to meet them?

addendum to the topic....if you don't have such a relationship (or have already talked about it in a different blog), please write about the strangest way you have ever met someone and what your friendship with them is like (different from the unexpected friendship question from our first topic ever).

Other contributors to The Thursday Blog Project are:

Froggie Knits Like Crazy

Desperate Madness

Wow. Can it be? A blog topic in which I have nothing to contribute?

I have never maintained more than an acquaintance-level friendship with someone I've never met in real life before doing this blog project.

I have to say that my virtual friendships happen in reverse - case in point - Melissa: I met her through a mutual friend and thanks to Facebook, we've remained in touch even though she is now in MD.

The same goes for my friends, Laura & Angeli, we met as co-workers at Washington Mutual - Laura moved to NV and Angeli moved to the city and we all still stayed in touch via the internet and would visit whenever they came to town.

I can say that I look forward to finally meeting Tracey & Shara! Tracey has graciously invited me to join her at her Thursday Knit Night and if I can ever get my act together I would love to join her!

And as for Shara - I can't believe we live in the same town and haven't met yet!

Soon!

With a rebel yell, she cried mo', mo', mo'

2010-05-26T22:35:00.004-05:00

This week's topic comes from me!

"Tell me about a time when you were rebellious - whether it be from your parents, a boss or even "The Man"."

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog Project are:

Froggie Knits Like Crazy

Desperate Madness

Merryland Girl

So, this evening while contemplating this blog and chatting with Tracey (Froggie Knits Like Crazy) it dawned on me that I wasn't very rebellious as a teen or now.

I did the usual crazy teen stuff.

I suppose I will give you a glimpse into my "wild side".

Not very many folks outside my immediate social circle know this, but now the whole internets will know: I used to smoke pot.

It all started in high school, when I succumbed to peer pressure.

I spent many nights, high as a kite and hiding from my mom.

I have to admit that I really enjoyed it, I felt more level headed, albeit, a little paranoid.

It was in my rebellious teen years when I was into whatever trouble I could get into. Granted, nowadays, I hardly regard smoking marijuana and skipping a few days of school as being that bad but at the time, it sure was.

Like most self-destructive phases, I grew out of it. It did resurface several years later, when I started a job that required me to be up very early, and I was having a hard time going to sleep at night. After awhile, it just phased itself out.

So there you go. The extent of my rebellion was that I used to smoke pot.

"We can work it out, we gonna work it out baby"

2010-05-19T23:46:00.006-05:00

This week's topic comes from...Shara @ Desperate Madness:

What is your favorite thing to do when you are down and out/having a bad day?

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog Project are:

Merryland Girl

Froggie Knits Like Crazy

This may seem odd, but...I rarely get down.

I get into "Funks" as my mom describes them. "Funks" are intermittent periods of time in which I am feeling not like myself - it's usually emotional, as I have my own patented remedy relief from all common physical illnesses (I take baths, for the sole purpose of napping in the bathwater - don't mock me, I swear it works. And for the record, I have obviously never drowned, although the thought has crossed my mind.)

During these "Funks", I may or may not have a "Pity Party" for myself. I have also been known in my younger days to be a "Wendy Whiner".

"Funks" are a close relation to "Having a bug up one's ass" - I get those a lot.

During said "Funks" I don't really do anything different than I usually would. I go to work, watch TV, knit, what have you. I don't really do anything specific in regards to "Funk Removal", it just dissipates. Sometimes it's an hour, sometimes its a few days.

Charmingly Random brand "Funks" are short-lived. I think I have some kind of ADD that allows me to recover from things faster than other people.

I just can't stay down, and approach my "Funks" as hurdles to jump over to get back to feeling like me again.

Maybe that's what it is - I just don't like feeling bad.

I can't imagine anyone wanting to feel bad. In my case, I work through the "Funk" by identifying what caused it. Once I have figured out the WHY of the "Funk", it's not too long after that the "Funk" has gone.

To any readers in a "Funk", I'd like to offer this:

Jurassic 5 feat. Dave Matthews - Work It Out

PS - After I added the Dave song, I realized that usually I listen to a little bit of Dave during a "Funk". Dave always makes me happy.

Only my mother calls me Jennifer!

2010-05-14T11:57:00.002-05:00

In my 31 years, I have had a lot of nicknames.

For reasons unknown, my mom used to call me Punifer Baa Baa - to this day, she doesn't know why. And because I am a Jennifer, I have had all the nicknames that go along with that Jenn, Jenny, etc.

In 8th grade, I decided that I wanted to be called Jenna. That only ever stuck with my best friend's family.

During my brief stint in cosmetology school, I was called Shep - my last name was Schaeppi (pronounced Sheppy) - but that was a nickname only for beauty school.

As an adult, I decided that I wanted to be called Jenn - making it very clear that I was Jenn with 2 N's.

My family still calls me Jenny, and that's OK because I am used to it.

One thing I cannot stand is being called Jennifer by anyone other than my mom. All my life, she is the only one that can call me Jennifer without me being totally annoyed. I don't know what it is, maybe its the tone of her voice, but she is the only one I can tolerate.

Since I work in a call center, and introduce myself all day long to callers, I have a list of what people "think" my name is:

My favorite is a woman from West Virginia who said "What did you say your name was? Shenza?" - really? Is Shenza such a common name? I get called John, Joan, Jane, Jan. Sometimes, I get called Debra (?)

I actually get people who argue with me, when I say "Thank you for calling, my name is Jenn, how can I assist you?" and they say "You're name is Jennifer?" and I say "No, my name is Jenn." and they go on and on "But Jennifer is your given name!?" Why does there have to be any discussion? You are calling about your payroll, what difference does it make? I see that you're name is Dan, you introduced yourself as Dan, I am just going to call you Danny, or Daniel because after all, it *IS* your given name!

Sigh

And if nothing can be done, we'll make the best of what's around

2010-05-06T00:00:00.001-05:00

-Thanks to Merryland Girl for this explanation of the Thursday Blog Project.

This week's topic comes from...Melissa @ Merryland Girl:

what is your theme song? (if possible, share lyrics or a link to a website where people can play the song.)

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog Project are:

Froggie Knits Like Crazy

Desperate Madness

My theme song? That's easy: The Best Of What's Around - Dave Matthews Band

Dave's (yes, in my mind we are on a first name basis) lyrics always have a way of luring me in with familiarity.

There are so many of his songs that speak to me, and The Best of What's Around really appeals to the uber-optimist in me.

I am, in fact, dangerously optimistic. I have yet to determine if this is really such a bad thing, as historically speaking, things *do* work out for the best for me.

Sure, I have struggles. I suffer from the blahs, and get down and out (feel free to insert any other cliches here)

I truly think that the thing that gets me through is my perpetual belief that "everything's gonna be alright".

Most importantly, this song reminds me of my best friend, Christy, especially this verse:

See you and me Have a better time than most can dream Have it better than the best So we can pull on through Whatever tears at us Whatever holds us down And if nothing can be done We'll make the best of what's around

It's really a nod to our early 20's, when we would get ourselves into some crazy shenanigans, but it didn't matter

the trouble we got into, we had each other.

Also, I find Dave Matthews to be incredibly attractive, in a completely non-sexual way.

I often have very odd dreams of him and I performing good deeds and having a good time.

Like I said. Odd.

And, without further ado, here is a link for your listening pleasure.

And here are the complete lyrics (which may or may not be the same as what you hear in the version I posted

the link to, Dave has a penchant for improvising when lyrics slip his mind)

The Waiting Game

2010-05-05T23:32:00.003-05:00

Admittedly, I have been pretty checked out lately.

Since deciding that NOW is a good time to start trying for a baby, I find that I am COMPLETELY obsessed with all things regarding conception.

I am on Ravelry 24/7, as a member of a group called Knitters Trying To Conceive.

I know so much about cervical mucus and the exact timeline between ovulation to implantation.

Remember how I said I didn't want to be like that? Guess what. I totally am.

I have watched documentary after documentary on conception and am truly amazed that pregnancy could ever occur on its own.

As of right now, I am playing "The Waiting Game". This is the 2 week wait between ovulation and when the levels of hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) are high enough to take a home pregnancy test.

I am terrified.

Afraid of how I will feel if I am not pregnant, will I be sad? Relieved?

What if I am pregnant? That all it took was some proper planning and bam! Knocked up on the first real try?

I have spent the last 10 years wishing that I was pregnant, I am kind of scared of actually being pregnant.

I am (and will continue to) blame this post on my hormones. If it isn't because I am pregnant, it's because I am PMS'ing.

Good day!

It brought a tear to my eye..

2010-05-03T15:39:00.003-05:00

I have often posted about how full of fail my first marriage was, but there is one thing. ONE. That truly, truly upset me.

My ex was neither religious or spiritual, was not raised with anything more than a belief in God and at 25 years old, didn't even know the true meaning of Easter.
At the time, this wasn't a huge issue because I wasn't a frequent church goer myself.

Several years ago, my nephew Jordan was being confirmed. My sister and her family attended a small church in Spring Grove, IL and we were invited to attend the confirmation ceremony.
Now, I have no objections what so ever to attending church, I just don't.
My ex-husband hated church, I was able to get him to agree to come with me. After all, it's just for an hour.
He went out "fishing with his dad" early that Sunday morning, with strict instruction to be home by 1pm so he could get showered and change clothes.
I called at 12:30pm to remind him to be on time, no answer on his cell phone.
At 1pm, I got dressed and ready to go, thinking that even if he showed up at 1:30pm, he'd still have plenty of time to get ready.
1:30pm passed, so did 2pm. I called and left him a voicemail message that said he had better hurry home and get changed, and meet me at the church and I headed out on my own.
He never showed up to the ceremony, I went out with my family to have dinner afterwards, and left him a voicemail through my gritted teeth about how he had better meet us at the restaurant.
He didn't.
I arrived back home around 6pm, he was not at home.
I called him, no answer.
7pm, 8pm no phone call.
At 9pm, he finally sauntered in. Oblivious of my fury.
I was in tears, asking how could he just blow this off?
His response? "You know I don't like church."
I screamed "It's not about you! It doesn't matter if you like church or not, it's about being there for our nephew during a very important event in his life! It's about honoring your commitments!"
He just shrugged his shoulders at me.
I still have no idea where he was all that day, or why he wouldn't answer his phone.

This long story came to mind yesterday, as my husband Kosta and I sat in St. Patrick's Catholic Church watching my dear friends' baby being christened.
I thought about how important the day was, and how glad I was to have my husband at my side with me.
My eyes welled up with tears that I had to blink back.
When we got to the car after the christening, I thanked him for coming with me and he looked surprised, as though there was never any question of whether or not he would go.

Beauty School drop out...no graduation day for you...

2010-04-29T00:28:00.006-05:00

-Thanks to Merryland Girl for this explanation of the Thursday Blog Project.

This week's topic comes from...Me!

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? As a grown up, did you choose the profession you wanted as a child? If you didn't, what drew you to the profession you have?

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog Project are:

Froggie Knits Like Crazy

Merryland Girl

Desperate Madness

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be JUST LIKE my older sister, Stacey.

She was a beautician, and got her license by taking vocational in the College of Lake County's annex (now called the Lake County High School Technology Campus)

When I was a junior in high school, I begged my guidance counselor to get me into the program and she did, a semester late. I very quickly realized that this was not a good fit for me.

In my senior year, we had to start performing services on clients - these were usually elderly ladies from the area that could get their "Roux Fanci-Full Rinse" in 'White Minx'. We also did eyebrow waxing, facials and more manicures on more girl scout troops than I care to recall.

It was shortly after I had to start working on real people and not on the mannequin heads, like hers.

For the record, the mannequins we got in cosmetology school were labeled as "Manikins" and had the potential to cause nightmares.

I have one that I absconded from my sister, Stacey, and named her "Kyle"

I referenced her in this blog post.

I used to hide from the clients, move my name to the bottom of the list for the next client.

This was also when I learned that I can't paint fingernails to save my life, especially on wiggly little girls.

The clincher for not finishing cosmetology came when I had to wax eyebrows on a woman who wouldn't stop talking or close her eyes. Was she crazy? She was paying $2 for a 16 year old girl to drip hot wax on her face. Hold still and shut up before you lose an eye!

I finally resigned when I had an epiphany: I don't much care for touching strangers.

Especially strangers with questionable hygiene.

I did meet a lot of great gals (and a couple of cool guys, too!) and had a lot of fun, but in the end - it just wasn't the right occupation for me.

I spent many years waitressing, as some of us do, not so much because I loved people but because it was fast money.

When I finally broke into the office world, I found that I am a really good customer service representative.

And since 2001, I have worked in various call centers doing inbound customer service.

Sure, there are days when I want to pull out my hair but I really like the fact that once a call is over, there is little chance that I will ever talk to that person again.

Another reason inbound call centers are my niche? I cannot multitask, nor am I capable of looking busy when I am not.

In a call center environment, I take calls when they come. When they don't come, I check email and updates.

I am not required to do much else than devote my full attention to the client on the phone, once the client has been handled, they could care less where my full attention goes. I can give you a hint though...ahem...facebook...

Pick a book, any book

2010-04-21T23:51:00.003-05:00

-Thanks to Merryland Girl for this explanation of the Thursday Blog Project.

This week's topic comes from Shara @ Desperate Madness : This week - What is your absolute favorite book?

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog Project are:

Merryland Girl

Froggie Knits Like Crazy

Here's the thing - I can't pick just one!

I go through a lot of book phases, but always end up with what my mom refers to as "fluff".

I used to read like crazy, and go through books like water from a tap: I read Babysitter's Club books, Harlequin Romances & I especially loved Danielle Steel & VC Andrews books.

One year for Christmas, my mom bought me the entire Pearl series in hardback. I must have read them over and over again.

And then, something happened. I stopped reading books.

I don't remember how or why, but I just stopped. I do know that whenever I pick up an actual book now, I fall asleep reading it. Reading makes me feel anxious because I feel like my time could be put to better use. Doing what? I have no idea.

When I read, I get completely enveloped. I lose track of time and place, and have a difficult time snapping back into the world around me which makes reading at work during down time too difficult.

Thankfully, there are audio books. These I totally love. They make my long daily commute tolerable and when I am at home, I can knit while listening and I feel like I am multi-tasking.

My mom got me hooked on audio books, especially books by Patricia Cornwell, Rita Mae Brown & Janet Evanovich.

I do love a good mystery!

(My mom has also influenced the tv shows I watch, I never thought that would happen!)

I just finished "Finger Lickin' Fifteen" by Janet Evanovich, and it was great. When I listen to books from the Stephanie Plum series, I always laugh out loud.

Recently, I have listened to the Twilight series & The Time Traveler's Wife.

I listened to most of the Harry Potter series on audio, and read a couple of them.

Regrettably, I am just not so much of a bookworm anymore. Maybe I will finally read Sundays at Tiffany's, since it has been sitting on the back seat of my car for almost a year...

Where do I fit in?

2010-04-21T18:05:00.002-05:00

While waiting to start my 1st round of Clomid (technically, it's my second, but I have decided to wipe the slate clean and no longer acknowledge that I had a failed attempt at conception 7 years ago) and I find myself wondering: Where do I fit in?

All over the interwebs, there are an infinite number of websites, forums, blogs, etc. that seem to be home to those of us who don't just miss a period and find that we're pregnant out of the blue.

I can't seem to find somewhere that is a group of women with just a toe in the water of trying to conceive, everywhere I look, it's the woe-filled tales of women who have cannon-balled into trying to conceive and have been a slave to their cervical mucus & how many days past ovulation they are.
I don't want to be like that.
Well, maybe not yet.
I found a pretty good group on Ravelry, but there isn't even an "introduction" thread, it's all about the cycles and ovulation and waiting.
I will get there, but I did find it a little overwhelming since I am reading about everyone else and as of now have very little to contribute.
Sometimes, I have to google the abbreviations they use.

I suppose I will find a place, just feeling a bit out of it right now.

Starting down a new path

2010-04-19T12:37:00.002-05:00

The time is now!

On Saturday, I had my annual female exam and discussed with my doctor that Kosta and I have really been thinking a lot about starting a family.
We know that it won't be instant, and that it will probably take some time.
My doctor prescribed me 4 rounds of the fertility medicine Clomid and told me that we can start the 1st round whenever we'd like.

On the car ride home from the doctor, my mind was racing.
In my purse was the prescription, we are one step closer.
I was instructed to start the meds on the 5th day of my cycle, and I didn't know it at that moment but Saturday just so happened to be day 1.

I was excited but terrified.
What if Kosta said no, that we couldn't start trying? What if he wasn't ready?

I got home and crawled back into bed with him (my appointment was early Saturday morning) and told him how the appointment went.
I then told him that Dr. Wong had given me the prescription, and asked if he thought we should start trying.
He was quiet for a moment, then said "I think we should."
Those were the most wonderful words I have ever heard.
Later that day, my cycle started which got me thinking even more.
Day 5 (the start date for the Clomid) will be Wednesday, April 21.
I was on the internet for several hours, researching and finding information about ovulation, etc.
I tracked my usual cycle length and it advised that I can take a pregnancy test as early as May 14.
This floored me.
I know it's unlikely, but in less than 1 month I could be pregnant.

I continue to be both excited and terrified.

Waiting for spring to 'spring'!

2010-04-14T23:43:00.004-05:00

-Thanks to Merryland Girl for this explanation of the Thursday Blog Project.

This week's topic comes from Tracey @ Froggie Knits Like Crazy: Write about your favorite season or time of year.

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog Project are:

Merryland Girl

Desperate Madness

Growing up, summer was where it was at! No school, no parental supervision during the day, sleeping in until noon, staying up all night.

Well, that changed when I became an adult and learned that June, July & August were just 3 months out of the year. Usually spent sitting behind a desk in a stuffy office.

Most folk complained about not having a window, or being able to see outside. I loved not having a window. I was never distracted by my longing to get up from my cubicle, grab my purse and make a hasty exit - never to return.

Driving to work in full 'business casual' dress, only to walk into the office looking rumpled and sweaty.

I became a stripper in the car on the way home and would manage to shed cardigans, pantyhose & shoes. Hair was pulled back into a sloppy pony to keep it from sticking to my forehead and face.

After several years of missing out on lounging poolside during the week, I said phooey on summer.

Oh, summer. You used to be my favorite! Now you are all hot and sweaty.

Now that I have reached the wizened age of 31, I have decided that Late Spring is my favorite season.

I realize that 'Late Spring' isn't really a season in itself, but I figure that it's my blog, and I can decide not only which season I like, but which part of the season I like. So there.

Moving on.

Late Spring is (by my definition) when it's warm enough outside to want to sit on a park bench in the sun, but not warm enough to get all sweaty (are you seeing a trend? I am not a fan of 'sweaty'. As a matter of fact, I am renaming the season of summer to "Sweaty Time")

In Late Spring, lilacs are in bloom and sweeten the air everywhere, and little black ants nibble away at the green cloaked buds of peonies.

In Late Spring, you will start to see the fruits of your labors from when you planted your garden during crappy, early spring (which gets no special capitalization). Bright green stalks shoot up from your dirt, letting you know that your brown thumb is getting a bit greener.

In Late Spring, you can sit outside and watch the stars at night with the delicate 'blink-blink-blink' of fireflies, instead of being swarmed by mosquitoes.

You know what else goes on in Late Spring? Weddings. Lot's of them. Including my own!

Everyone loves a Late Spring wedding! A vibrant selection of in-season flowers, wedding parties (and guests) that aren't all sweaty (<--there it is again...) and wilted looking, wedding cakes that stay pristine instead of melting.

So, the bottom line is this - there is very little "sweaty" in Late Spring. This pleases me.

Bully (noun): A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people.

2010-04-12T21:59:00.004-05:00

Today's blog post was inspired by a very insightful post by Melissa @ Merryland Girl about bullying.

When I read about how nasty kids are to other kids, it makes me feel so awful.

I can't say I was really "bullied" in the traditional sense of the word. I was mostly excluded. I wasn't inordinately fat, or smelly. I never had any embarrassing mishaps that left a memory burned into the minds of everyone I went to school with.

I just was not popular.

In 8th grade, these two girls just ripped on me every day about my clothes being hand-me-downs, which they weren't (and not like that's a bad thing).

I don't know why they singled me out, but damn! It's 19 years later and it still chaps my ass!

Compounded by the fact that they were popular, but not in the popular sense. One looked like a man, she was a gymnast who was very toned and very masculine.

Her BFF, was dumpy and chubby and also quite masculine in appearance, she played softball.

I remember thinking "How can they pick on me for how I dress? All they wear are Umbro shorts and t-shirts! And they look like boys!"

I had a lot of friends in middle school, and I am not sure what happened the summer between 8th grade and freshman year, but whatever went down - I missed it.

All those girls became popular, and I was just a nobody.

I have gotten my (slight) revenge: one girl friend requested me on Facebook, and I acted like I didn't know her. She was one of my BFF's in 7th grade, and then in high school she spread a rumor that I...well, let's just say it wasn't very nice for my character...but I started getting attention from a lot of skeevy guys after that.

I responded to her request by saying "Sorry, I don't remember you."

She wrote me back 3 more times, telling me her life story, trying to jog my memory "Remember I used to live down the block from you? Remember that time we had the sleep-over?" to which I wish I had had the guts to say "Oh, that's right! You were the one who spread that nasty rumor about me!"

Instead I said "Sorry, I just don't remember you." And ignored her request.

It felt good.

I have since done that to about 10 of "Those Girls" and maintain that everyone I want to talk to from high school, I talk to. If the last interaction we had was you telling me that I look pregnant in front of our home ec class*, why the hell are you "friend" requesting me?

I have decided that they just want to see my business, and I say "Nope".

*To this day, I remember exactly what was said:

Her: "You're dating (so & so) right?"

Me: "Yeah"

Her: "And you're pregnant, right?"

Me: (exasperated) "NO!"

Her: "Heh, well...you look like it!"

(Which caused much laughter)

I always think of that part in the movie "For Keeps", when the popular girls are making fun of Darcy and the one popular girl says to the other "Oh Michaela! You're so bad!" cheering her on.

Also, the girl who said that to me had a very noticeable lazy eye and you could never tell where she was looking.

"You Catholic girls start much too late..."

2010-04-07T23:39:00.004-05:00

-Thanks to Merryland Girl for this explanation of the Thursday Blog Project.

This week's topic comes from Melissa @ Merryland Girl: what is your favorite thing about your religion? (if you don't observe a religion, what is your favorite non-religious holiday?)

Other contributors are:

Froggie Knits Like Crazy

Desperate Madness

I honestly wish I had a favorite thing about my religion.

I am a non-observant Catholic, and despite the recent propaganda urging Catholics to "come home", I still don't think that Catholicism is my cup of tea.

So, this week I will blog about my favorite non-religious holiday, which is any event that my family gets together.

When we are all together, I like to quote Morbo when Richard Nixon's Head asks him how's the family: Morbo replies :"Belligerent & numerous!"

There are *A LOT* of us, my sister, Stacey has been with her husband, Jack since I was 3, so our families kind of melded together over the years.

Every year, we celebrate Mother's Day and my niece, Grace's birthday together and both families combine.

I have 4 sisters and 3 brothers, not all from the same 2 parents, but the bulk of us share the same mom.

I have more nieces and nephews than I can count on 2 hands and am proud to say that I have wiped the butts of almost all of them at some point in time.

When we all get together, we laugh until our sides hurt. We retell stories about shenanigans that we got into as teenagers, to which our mom usually says "I had no idea!"

We go through tough times and happy times, thankfully there are more happy times than tough.

I can't imagine what my life would be like without the guidance and experiences I had growing up in my big, blended family. And even though there have been times when we've been on the outs with each other, I wouldn't have it any other way.

As an adult, I can almost always tell when I encounter people who are only children (not like it's a bad thing) but I always feel a little sad for them, that they didn't have an older brother to tease them, or older sisters to talk about embarrassing things with, or even younger siblings to teach and torment.

This evening, I got to sit around a kitchen table and talk to my older sibs: Stacey, Cheri & Steve and man, did we laugh. It was just an impromptu gathering to have dinner with my niece and nephew while they visit from Kentucky for the week, and it was great.

Happy Birthday To Me!

2010-04-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

-Thanks to Merryland Girl for this explanation of the Thursday Blog Project.

This week's topic is from me!

"Ok, topic for 4/1/2010: Since April 5 is my birthday, this week's topic is going to be: Do you have any birthday traditions? If you don't celebrate your birthday, are there any annual traditions you participate in? Tell me about them!"

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog Project are:

Desperate Madness

Froggie Knits Like Crazy

Merryland Girl

Birthdays are a big deal to me. Especially mine!

Before my Grandma Schaeppi passed away in 1987, she would make me the best birthday cake ever each year on my birthday.

Those cakes are such a huge part of my memory, it's hard to believe that there were only seven of them in my lifetime.

It wasn't just for my birthday, all of my siblings and even my parents got a special cake on their birthdays.

A square pound cake, frosted to high-heaven with the most wonderful frosting (and I am usually not a fan of frosting. Or cake for that matter...)

Several of us had birthdays close together, and she would make group cakes, with each birthday person's name on each side of that cake.

My mom and my sister, Cheri got one together (May 21 & May 23, respectively)

My sister Stacey & her husband, Jack got one together (March 27 & April 1, respectively)

And even though my birthday came right after Jack's, I always got my own.

My birthday falls around Easter each year (some years closer than others, this year, it's the day after) and Grandma Schaeppi would make my cake in colors that were so spring-y, and each corner of the cake had a chocolate covered marshmallow bunny on it.

Birthdays are always special in our family, when we were younger, if we were grounded on our birthdays - we were exempt for the day.

As I have gotten older, we don't all get together any more but we have started an even more fun tradition: The Birthday Voicemail or The Birthday Text, lately.

Each year on my birthday, my brother in law Jack calls me and sings "Happy Birthday" on my voicemail. It's a rather profanity-laden version, but it's so funny.

When I was in high school, my sister would call the local radio station and request "Today" by The Smashing Pumpkins for me. One year, when I was single and especially broke, my mom got me a gift card to Jewel.

My best friend, Christy, bakes the most gorgeous cakes I have ever seen. On my 26th birthday, she made me a cake in the shape of a martini glass that said "Martinis & Gin, Now The Fun Begins!", took me out to dinner at Mad Dan's and took me to get a tattoo before we danced the night away at Famous Freddie's.

On my 29th birthday, my friends threw me a birthday party and allowed me to sing "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs on Rock Band as many times as I wanted without complaining, even though they were all so sick of that song. (I think I sang it 8 times, although they didn't complain, they did leave the room...)

And on April 4, 2009 my friends planned my Bachelorette Party, and made me wear all these crazy "Bachelorette" accessories and at midnight, they let me take it all off and turned my Bachelorette Party into my 30th Birthday Party.

It's all these little things, like waking up to see my text messages flowing in from everyone wishing me a happy day, that make my birthday so special.

I walk around all day with a spring in my step, because it's MY day.

In closing, I would like to say Happy Birthday to my FAVORITE April Fool, my brother in law, Jack. I love you!!

Call Center Madness!

2010-03-30T17:52:00.003-05:00

I think that Tuesday is going to be the day when I blog about the funny things I encounter at work. In a call center.

Today's theme is "We're all out to get you!", and by "we", I mean customer service.

*"You stole my forms! They were there and now they are gone! I saw them!"
-this caller was logged into the wrong site.

*Why do you keep changing my user name and password!? This morning I could log in and now I can't!! Why won't you let me log in!?"
-this caller had his caps lock on, user names and passwords are case sensitive.

*Why didn't you perform this transaction for me!?"
-Because we can't. It is a function that you must do yourself, like we advised you to do.

If you're happy and you know it...

2010-03-25T00:00:00.000-05:00

Does it have to be just one!? I can't imagine what "THE" happiest moment in my life is. When I think about momentous occasions, it's hard to measure the amount of happiness each moment contained.

It's easy to say "Oh my God! It was the happiest day of my life!" in the moment, but when you look back and compare it to other happiest days/ moments, it sometimes doesn't stack up.

So, I am going to squeeze my mind grapes and present to you the juices, in the form of a list!

*When I was very young (let's say, I was six) I got a metallic royal blue bike with a glittery blue banana seat. It had blue streamers that were stuck into the ends of the glittery blue hand grips for my birthday. My dad taught me how to ride it and I can still remember how awesome that bike looked, all sparkly in the sun.

*In 1991 my older sister Cheri was pregnant with her first baby, my niece Janey. This was back before you could have an ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby, and I remember sitting on the couch next to her and asking questions about whether she thought it was a boy or a girl. I remember my sister's sister in law took her wedding band and ran a length of string through it and would dangle it over her belly. The way the ring swung would tell you whether it was a boy or a girl. We never got a definitive answer from the ring. It swung differently every pass.

Anyways, the baby was kicking, and Cheri asked if I wanted to feel it. It was the coolest thing I have ever felt. It felt like someone taking their thumb and sliding it across the palm of my hand. It was probably Janey's little heel or elbow, it was so real. It was no longer just my sister's protruding belly - it was really a baby in there. When my other sister, Stacey was pregnant with my niece Grace, she did that thing where she would set a cup on her belly and when Grace kicked, it would wiggle the cup. I think that was really fascinating. I can't wait to someday feel that for myself, from the inside.

*January 23, 1996 - the day I got my driver's license. I really don't think much explanation is required there!

*February 17, 2008 - Assembly Hall, University of IL - watching my nephew wrestle for the 2nd to last time as a high school student. Luckily, I was actively blogging at that time! Here is the blog post about that. And if you would like, you can watch the match here. There is some cheesy music up until about 7 mins, you could mute it if you wanted. But listen @ 8:38 to hear us chanting "JORDAN! JORDAN!!"

--> Fast forward to March 20, 2010 - Jordan is now a sophomore in college, placed 5th in the NCAA Wrestling Championships in Omaha, NE. He is now an NCAA All American. He wrestles on a full scholarship for the University of Illinois.

*May 16, 2009 - the day Kosta and I got married. I barely slept at all the night before, I think I fell asleep at 5am and woke up at 9am.

My BFF & Maid Of Honor, Christy and I had to go to Jewel and schlepp a trunk full of bagged ice back to the wedding location so we could get the beverages chilled, we ended up buying every bag of ice they had. The cashier looked at me, then at the ice and back at me. I looked at Christy and nonchalantly said "It is so hard to keep a body frozen in this weather!!" haha!

All day long, I had this feeling. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. After my hair was done and my dress was on, my sisters and brothers all streamed through the house to take pictures before the ceremony and the look on all of their faces was so priceless. Right before the ceremony started, my step-mom, Julie, came in and asked how I was feeling. I said I felt so good, I didn't even know the word for it. She adjusted my veil and looked me in the eyes and said "Joyful?". Yes. That was exactly how I felt. Joyful.

There have been so many happy moments in my life so far, and I think there are a lot more to be had.

The Path Not Taken

2010-03-18T00:00:00.000-05:00

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog Project are:

Merryland Girl

Desperate Madness

I could take this week's topic both literally and figuratively, and I will. Read on.

First, Literally:

On Easter Sunday 2006, I was driving home from my grandparent's house in Spring Grove and I decided to stop at Borders Books in McHenry. Afterwards, I decided instead of taking Route 31 to Route 12, like I usually would, I took Route 31 to Route 120.

At the intersection of Route 120 & Route 12, the light was changing and as I crossed into the intersection the light turned yellow.

A Chevy Suburban tried to make a left turn in front of me and it ended with my car being totaled and my collarbone broken by the force of my body being thrown against my seatbelt.

(Shortly after this accident, I met Melissa and showed off my fantastical bruises! What an icebreaker, eh?)

By choosing 'The Path Not Taken", (meaning that I would never have usually chosen that route back home) I caused myself a lot of pain.

Next, Figuratively:

Some days, I wonder what my life would be like today if I hadn't had the guts to end my first marriage.

I think about all the wonderful things I have done and people I have met because I did, and it makes me very happy that I did end it.

My marriage was strained, we were not the right people for each other. We played it out as long as we could and when we did split up, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. I was suffocated by him, we had nothing in common and being with him sucked the life out of me.

I have to admit that I am usually the one that takes the path not taken. I take chances all the time, sure, they don't all end well but I think that they put you on the path to where you are supposed to go.

If I hadn't left my first husband, I never would have met Mike, who introduced me to some of my very best friends today. If Mike and I hadn't broken up, I never would have met Kosta, who is such an awesome husband. For so many years, I said I would never get married again and believed that what my ex-husband once said: "Jenn, you were a great girlfriend, but you sure made a shitty wife" was true.

Being with Kosta made me want to not be a shitty wife anymore.

Time Warp Tuesday

2010-03-16T23:46:00.002-05:00

From December 29, 2009...

A Post! Gasp!
11:00 am
HI!

I wanted to take a moment and tell you about a terrible experience I had with Great Clips on Friday.

It was terrible.

My gut instinct told me I should run away when I saw the land beast that was to be my stylist. And in ghetto fashion, she babbled on about getting her "hair did" (which she needed to do, desperately)

She nattered on as she cut and cut...my only request was "Please, don't shave my neck".
Since the summer, I have been rocking the inverted U bob (short in back, long in front) that has been sooo popular for the past year. Coincedentally, it was the same hair cut I had in 1997 which leads me to believe that hairstyle fashion is cyclical. But I digress...I have a low hair line (Thanks, Dad!) and stylists think they have to cut the back sooo short as to necessitate a neck buzzing to make it look good. Now, I don't know about you, but a buzzed neckline is ITCHY!
What does this bitch do? If you guessed "Shaved my neck" - you're correct!

Now, I know what you're thinking:"You must have heard the clipper, why didn't you stop her?"
1) She had already cut the length so short that I would have looked like I had a sasquatch back if she left it.
2) I am non-confrontational and scared of Tarnesha or whatever her name was. So, I just sucked it up and went to my car to cry.

*kri*scratch*kri*scratch*

In which I blog about death...

2010-03-15T15:54:00.005-05:00

I don't know how to grieve.

I really don't, I actually had to google "how to grieve".

I find myself fortunate that I have yet to lose someone who was very close to me, and those I have lost have been elderly, or very, very terminally ill.

Since I have only lost those who I believe had truly lived their lives or known that in death, they would finally have respite from their pain, I have never really felt bad when someone died.

I am all about the clichés: "they're in a better place" or "think of all the wonderful memories".

These clichés work for me, but they don't for others.

Several people who are very close to my heart are currently dealing with losses of a loved one, and while I am saddened - I have realized that my sadness isn't because of their losses, it's because I cannot make them feel better. I can't take their pain away, and help them feel better.

I am afraid to say things to them that may make them feel worse.

I put it out there that I am there for them, whenever they need to talk.

At the very least, I am a pretty good listener.

In which I long for spring

2010-03-11T15:47:00.004-06:00

First of all, I am sick sick sick of winter.
The weather here has been relatively nice for the past couple days, melting the giant heaps of snow into a big ol' muddy mess in our yard.

I am longing to take out my capris & flip flops, to leave the house without my bulky winter coat.
To roll down the car windows without freezing and most of all - start my vegetable garden!

Last year, Kosta and I planted 3 kinds of tomatoes: cherry, romas & yellow tomatoes, 2 kinds of bell peppers, basil, cilantro and even habanero (or scotch bonnets) and I absolutely loved that fresh produce was only a few steps away.
A lot of people say that there is nothing better than a home grown tomato and I must agree.
One of my favorite singers sums it up very well:

"Home grown tomatoes, home grown tomatoes
What would life be like without home grown
tomatoes?
Only two things that money can't buy:
That's true love and home grown tomatoes"
Home Grown Tomatoes - John Denver

To piggy back on my Thursday Blog Post, another thing most don't know about me is that I have a "Flip Flop Rule"
A rule that I abide each spring, governing when I can start wearing flip flops.
Once the weather stays above 50 degrees for 7 consecutive days, it's open season for flip flops and guess what? Yesterday the high was 52 degrees, today it's 55 degrees...all I need is 5 more days of temps above 50 and it's on!

What DON'T people know about me?

2010-03-11T00:00:00.003-06:00

This week's topic is from Melissa @ Merryland Girl:

This past week on "American Idol," the contestants shared something that most people would probably not know about them. Now it's your turn! Please share something that most people don't know about you.

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog are:
Desperate Madness
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Merryland Girl

Oh, Blog readers...I could write a book on this very topic.

First of all, I have a lot of quirks. A LOT. And this blog post is going to highlight some of the amusing ones.

The first of my many quirks is becoming more public, since I created a Facebook photo album highlighting it.
I love watching left-handed people write. I don't know why, I just do. It's like watching a dog walk on it's hind legs, fascinating.
Even more entertaining is how many people I know that are left-handed - quite a few, considering that on average only 9-16% of the world's population is left-handed.
I have two left-handed sisters, a left-handed niece and at least 6 left-handed friends.
(So, Melissa, Shara & Tracey...are any of you left-handed?)

Next up: I love Canada Geese. Love them!
I love to watch them graze or walk around and especially love to hear their little, webbed feet slap against wet pavement.
I know so many people who hate them, or were traumatized by them as children, but I just adore them.
Whenever I see them, I always say "GOOSES!" and they look at me like I am crazy. Which I am. Crazy for geese!

I don't know if this next one comes from working in a call center for so many years, and talking with people from all walks of life but, I cannot stand certain accents. I am not sure if it is because they are more difficult to understand, or if I have some sort of subconscious aversion to them.
This is doubly odd because my husband is from Russia, and speaks with a (super sexy) Russian accent. My stepdad is from Mexico, and has a Spanish accent and I dated a Colombian guy with a thick Spanish accent - I am/was fine with them, and to be quite honest - with the Colombian and the Russian, the accents were/are pretty sexy in my opinion!
Three accents that I loathe, yet deal with on a daily basis are: South African men, Asian women and French (male or female).

Speaking of subconscious aversions...at the first office job I ever had, whenever my boss talked to me it made me yawn. Every time.

And here's an odd one:
I hate crowded places & really dislike going to the movie theater.

I can't sleep without the TV on, and more specifically, I can't sleep without Futurama or The Simpsons. Luckily, I have a huge stack of DVD seasons of both.
I could watch the same disc every night for a week, but if it's not on, I just lay there blinking in the dark.
In a pinch, like when staying in a hotel or away from home, I have been known to use The Food Network to fall asleep. That is a last resort though.
Thankfully, my husband is usually coming to bed by the time the sleep timer has turned the TV off and I am blissfully sawing logs.

Time Warp Tuesday!

2010-03-09T15:20:00.002-06:00

Thanks to Melissa for this idea!
I think I will just post all my blog topics based on her ideas! Hahaha!

Sadly, I am not a very prolific blogger, but I did find this one from March 20, 2008:

Howdy!
Well, I made it through my first week back to work unscathed. I eventually had to break down and take a sleeping pill to help me get back on a "sleep at night/awake during the day" schedule.
I have been working on my first itty bitty sock for the last 2 weeks, I finally decided last night (this morning?) to Kitchener stitch the toe and get it off my needles. I had been dying to do a sock (all the sock hype on Ravelry helped!) but I didn't have actual sock yarn, or DPNs small enough so I improvised. *Note to anyone who would like to buy me a present for my birthday...April 5...I'll be 29, so it's my last b-day in my twenties...Sock yarn and DPNs (double pointed needles) in size 1 & 2 would be perfection...you can see my wishlist on the Loopy Ewe.
And also here, at Lisa Souza
in the following colorways (it's called Sock! Merino yarn)
Pacific
Printemps
Emerald City
LimeNViolet
Spumoni
Little Devil

And, if you *REALLY LOVE ME*, you can take a peek at Blue Moon Fiber Arts:
(Socks That Rock, lightweight)
Watermelon Tourmaline
Pebble Beach
Philosopher's Stone
Lunasea
Froggin'
Fire on the Mountain
Lucy

OK, my blog post was sadly turned into a shameless wish for sock yarn...I'm done now...
One last thing - should you gift me sock yarn, you never know, you might get that yarn back! It will, however, be fashioned into cute socks : )
If I were you, I'd buy me a colorway in a color I liked...because, you never know...

Alright!
Baby Turtle was born this past week, and yet his blankie is still not finished...So, I believe that will be back on the hook this week.

Rooster placed 1st at Sectionals!
WOOT! He is on his way to state to dominate the wrestling mat for the last time as an IKWF wrestler! GO ROOSTER!!!!
I am so proud of him!

Have a great week, everyone!
Love, Jenn

For the record, Baby Turtle (my former co-worker's baby - their last name is Turtle) never did get his blanket and I lost touch with his mama.
And since this post, Rooster is now 2nd in IHSA Wrestling!
My love for sock yarn continues, unabated.

"One Of My Favorite Parts" - a ripped off blog topic

2010-03-05T16:36:00.000-06:00

I haven't been really inspired to post lately because I can never think of a worthwhile topic.

Luckily, I have friends who are always inspiring, so I shall abscond with their topics and write my own spin on it (I know this is the premise for the Thursday blog, my apologies.)

I hate, hate, hate talking on the phone outside of work.

I think this is because I can't multi-task, and talking on the phone means sitting still and concentrating only on the person I am speaking with.

This isn't a bad thing, but if I only have a few things to say I will send a text message.

The only person I can talk to on the phone is my best friend, Christy.

A few times a week, we will have an hour long conversation on the phone and I love it.
It's my favorite part of my commute home.

Lessons Learned

2010-03-04T00:00:00.004-06:00

-Thanks to Merryland Girl for this explanation of the Thursday Blog Project.

Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Merryland Girl
Desperate Madness

This week's Thursday blog topic comes from...me!

"Tell me how you were raised - are there any lessons that your parent(s) taught you that you didn't appreciate when you were younger, but understand now that you're an adult?"

I was primarily raised by my mom and my older sisters. My parents divorced when I was eight, but even before that, my dad worked 3rd shift and I really only saw him on the weekends anyways.
My mom ran a tight ship, she always worked full-time and expected that my sisters and I handle the housework on Saturdays before we could go out and have our fun.
Each Saturday morning, my mom created a list of chores for each person to do.
These chores needed to be done, or be in progress by the time she came home from work at 3pm and had to be completed to her satisfaction before we could have permission to do whatever on Saturday afternoon/ night.
If you are reading this and thinking "Damn! What were you? Cinderella?" - that's exactly what all my friends thought, too.
When I was old enough to get added to the list, my chores were usually making my bed, emptying the bathroom trash, vacuuming. Nothing too crazy, despite what I thought at the time.
As I got older, my older sisters married and moved out and my mom tweaked our Saturday Chore Lists - still nothing crazy.
It wasn't like she inspected our work with a white glove, but she could always tell when we half-assed it.

Looking back, I used to think that my mom was treating me and my sisters like slaves. It was so unfair that I couldn't go out with my friends because I didn't do my chores.

My mom taught me that just because we were kids didn't mean that she had to do everything. She taught us skills like how to iron shirts and pants the right way (not that I ever do, but I know how!) the proper way to clean a bathroom and a kitchen. She taught us that doing the dishes includes drying, putting away, wiping down the counters & tables and sweeping the floor.
To this day, I am not the neatest person, but I can clean a bathroom & kitchen better than any cleaning service ever could.
It wasn't about using us as maids, it was about learning to do things for ourselves and being responsible.

My mom did so much for us growing up, and I never realized her sacrifices.

She was a single mom with four kids, she worked like a dog and never, ever took a sick day.

I can't say that my mom was the most loving and supportive mother, but she did what she could and we were never left wanting anything.

We always felt loved and cared for.

My 3 older siblings had started families of their own, but my brother and his girlfriend struggled the most. My mom was always there to babysit for them, give them a place to stay or a ride to and from work.

This caused dissent amongst my older sisters who felt that my brother was getting special treatment, since my mom rarely ever helped them out.

As time went on, my nieces and nephews grew (and continue to grow) up.

And now it was time for Round 2.

My mom remarried my awesome stepdad, who had two daughters of his own.

My two younger stepsisters became mothers at a very young age and my mom and stepdad swooped in to help them raise their kids.

At this time, I was the one who was upset and felt that my stepsisters were getting special treatment. Why should they get all the attention? I should be the Golden Child because I wasn't bringing babies into the world that I couldn't care for! Why are they so special?

One day, I asked my mom: why did some of us get more than the others?

And she simply replied "Because they needed it."

And it's true. My mom never babysat for my brother and his girlfriend to have a night out - it was so they could both work.

They weren't borrowing money so they could buy frivolous things, it was so they could buy groceries and feed their children when money was tight.

It all made sense.

We were all raised the same way, by the same mother in the same house.

She knows which of us can handle with stride the challenges that life sends our way, and she knows which of us cannot.

The relationship I have with my mom is great, finally being able to see the big picture - what all her hard work was for - it was for us.

Everything she did was so that we would all grow up to be good people with good morals.

And we are.

A Tale Of Two Socks

2010-03-03T13:42:00.002-06:00

Last summer, I picked out 2 small skeins of Crystal Palace Panda Cotton yarn in the colorway "Circus".
Panda Cotton is a 4-ply fingering weight yarn composed of cotton, bamboo & nylon.

I scoured Ravelry to find the perfect pattern and decided on Spring Forward, a top down lacy sock pattern from Linda Welch.
The pattern was originally from Knitty, Summer 2008.

I cast on last July and knit to the heel turn, only to realize that my gauge was off and when I tried the sock on, it wouldn't go over my heel.
Then, I did something I never, ever do. I frogged (to unravel) the sock and cast on with a different set of double pointed needles.
Usually, I get discouraged and leave the project to languish on my needles until I need them for another project. Only then will I frog and rewind the ball.

I knitted away on this sock, it went everywhere with me. It even went camping, and was vigorously inspected by some brazen raccoons when I forgot to put it away one night.
Thankfully, the raccoons determined that the sock was not food and had only torn into the ziplock bag that contained it.

I finished the sock in September 2009, and for reasons unknown, I never closed the toe stitches. They just sat in my stash with 2 double points holding the live stitches.
At that time, I was using the Knit Picks metal double pointed needles which are all silver, regardless of the size, and realized that I had knit this sock using 2 different sized needles. Well, the sock fit just fine and I was cool with it.

When I decided to cast on the second sock, I couldn't remember which assortment of needles I had used on the first sock.
So, I just cast on using size 2 DPNS.
I have since purchased several sets of Boye double point knitting needles which are colored differently - which is good, because I can easily tell if a stray, incorrectly sized needle has worked its way into my project.

As I knitted away on the second sock, it was looking like I had used (3) size 2 DPNs and (2) size 3 DPNs on the original, so there wasn't that big of a difference in the gauge.
There was, however, a HUGE difference in the patterning of the second sock.
The original sock had striped pretty evenly, the second sock was pooling (blobs of the color, instead of the uniform striping or patterning from the variegated colorway)
It was interesting to watch how the pooling of colors kind of mimicked the ziggy zaggy nature of the pattern.

You can view the original pattern here

(I will edit this post to add a picture of my version of these socks later)

In conclusion, I loved the pattern and was "meh" about the yarn.
The finished product is baggy around my ankles, which is annoying, but might change after they're washed.
The yarn was very, very splitty and I found myself splitting the yarn with my needles, a lot.
I love the colorway, though. Even though I hate, hate, hate circuses.

My Favorite Quote

2010-02-25T00:01:00.001-06:00

This week's Thursday Blog Topic comes from Shara @ Desperate Madness

"What is your favorite quote & why?"

Other contributors to the Thursday Blog are:

Melissa @ Merryland Girl

Tracey @ Froggie Knits Like Crazy

This one was easy, although I am sure it will be a brief blog post.

My favorite quote is: "Necessity, who is the mother of invention." from Plato
It's so true, so many things in life have come about because someone needed it.
To a lesser extent, I could quote Big Weld, from the animated movie "Robots" as he said "See a need, fill a need" even though this quote was originally made by Mary Howell.

I find myself quite often saying "Necessity is the mother of invention!", especially when fashioning some rudimentary tool to complete a task.
I don't really have too much to say on this post, as I feel that the quote itself is self-explanatory.

No Meat On Fridays

2010-02-24T15:29:00.004-06:00

I am a non-practicing Catholic. I was raised in a Catholic home, abiding by all the rituals and observations.
There are Seven Sacraments that you go through during your life as a Catholic:
Baptism
Eucharist (or First Communion)
Reconciliation (First Confession)
Confirmation
Marriage
Holy Orders
Anointing of the Sick

In the Catholic religion, your parents and godparents are responsible to get you through the first 4 sacraments, even though they say that Confirmation is supposed to be the child's choice, as once it's complete you are considered an adult in the Catholic church.
I never had that choice, I wanted to quit going to CCD (which was the Catholic version of Sunday School, except I went on Wednesdays)
I wanted to quit because it was boring, I was not embracing my religious upbringing at all.
Well, I ended up being confirmed. The whole time I was taking my classes, I was jealous of my friend Lindsey who I had gone to CCD with my whole life, her dad let her make the choice if she wanted to continue, and she said that she didn't. So she was never confirmed.
Once I was confirmed, I continued to go to mass each week until I was 18 when I quit going all together.
I only made it through the first 4 Sacraments. My first marriage was in a Presbyterian Church.

I respect my parents for instilling in me and my siblings a firm religious upbringing, even though none of us observe the Catholic faith. My sisters and their families are part of a very progressive, non-denominational Christian faith based church called "The Chapel" which is really, really nice. They have very nice facilities, and they have a lot of really great programs for all age groups. I have attended services there and really enjoyed them.
My brother doesn't observe regularly, nor do I.
My mom and step-dad still attend St. Joseph's Catholic Church each week for mass.

I was reading one of Tracey's blog posts, and was once again reminded that it's Lent and I have not given anything up nor have I stopped eating meat on Fridays.
My grandmother is still so observant, she recalls her younger days when her family didn't eat any meat during lent and never ate meat on Friday. She doesn't eat meat on Ash Wednesday, or on Fridays throughout the entire year.

When I was in high school, I worked in my parent's restaurant and recall one Friday during Lent when my mom came into the restaurant and saw me eating a hamburger. She took my plate and dumped it in the bus pan.
"We don't eat meat on Fridays during Lent!" and then she was gone.

Present day: I only remember that Lent is upon us because McDonald's starts really pushing the Filet O' Fish sandwich.

Ch-ch-changes!

2010-02-18T21:17:00.004-06:00

Alright, I have been thinking all day about this blog.

After my meltdown on Monday and my subsequent Thursday Blog post, I kind of felt like I needed to share what set me off.

First of all, PMS was a strong factor but on Saturday night I heard from an acquaintance that my ex-husband and his wife are expecting a baby.

It sent me reeling.

I have no communication with my ex, it's unnecessary as well as unwanted.

I like it this way.

It has taken me 3 days to really, REALLY understand why hearing that he was having a baby upset me.

Was it because I am still secretly in love with him and wish that it was me that was pregnant by him? OH GOD, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Was it because I wish we had stayed together and had a baby all those years ago? Again, a resounding NO!

After all my crying and wallowing, it came to me: I'm jealous.

I'm jealous because *I* wanted to have a baby first, like it was some unspoken challenge or race.

I secretly felt like they were having a baby to spite me, to furthermore prove how inadequate I am as a woman.

Now, it's laughable. The notion that I even crossed their minds at all is funny. Especially when I imagined it in a spiteful "Ha!" sort of way.

What this has done is actually pretty awesome. It has forced me to really think about my life and what I want from it.

Am I happy? You bet. I love my life, I love my husband and honestly I couldn't be happier.

I can't remember a single time in my life where I have been as content as I am right now.

What is there to be jealous about? That my ex and his wife are ready to start their family? What's my big hurry? There isn't one. I am only 30, and a newlywed. I want to absorb every single moment with Kosta, relish it, because this is the only time in our relationship when we can be completely self-absorbed in just us and I love that.

I love that we aren't rushing into starting a family. We both know that we want to have kids, but are really enjoying our child-free status right now.

So, now that I have clarified that, it brings me to the next order of business.

2011 is when we plan to expand our family. What am I doing to prepare?

Until today? Nothing. I was diagnosed with poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) in 2002 and since I haven't been actively trying to get pregnant, I haven't done anything about it.

This is foolish and irresponsible. I treat my body like a dumpster instead of a temple. I have terrible eating habits, I don't exercise, I drink and I smoke (cigarettes).

Ashamedly, I haven't seen my lady doctor in (GASP!) over 2 years. This will change.

This will ALL CHANGE.

Honestly, I am embarrassed about how I treat my body and even more embarrassed that I have the nerve to balk at my "special ed reproductive system" - what have I done to change it? Nothing.

For years, I have hid behind the excuse of not having medical insurance to help with the PCOS.

I always wanted some "magic cure" to be prescribed that would make everything all better and have finally come to the realization that I don't need prescriptions to help me lose weight or feel better.

In my post on Monday, I said that I sometimes feel that I am more deserving of having a baby than others.

WHAT!? I treat my body like a dirty back alley, I am no more deserving than those I have judged.

So, as the title of this post has stated: It's time for some changes.

We're gonna start slow, making little changes along the way.

Today I decided that each evening when I come home from work, the beagle and I are going to go for a walk.

So, when I walked in the door tonight I laced up my gym shoes and clipped on her leash and off we went.

Beagle was not pleased as this deviates from her usual schedule of being curled up on the sofa. We only walked 2 blocks in about 12 minutes, but it's a start.

I've known for years that PCOS sufferers often benefit from adhering to a Low GI (glycemic index) diet, I don't know the particulars of it, but I think it's because PCOS-related obesity is similar to Type II Diabetes. I know that I am hyperinsulinemic and that my liver is insulin resistant, which causes my blood sugar to be spikey all the time because my pancreas is cranking out more insulin. Or something like that.

I found a simple Diabetic Friendly meal plan that I intend to start tomorrow.

Here we go!

PS: You know what else I learned? Thursday night is laundry night for a lot of houses in our neighborhood. It was the best smelling walk I've ever taken :)

"It will be OK, God has a plan" says everyone I talk to...

2010-02-17T23:46:00.002-06:00

Well! It's time again for The Thursday Post.
This week's topic was chosen by Tracey @ Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Other contributers on the topic can be found here:
Merryland Girl
Desperate Madness

This week's topic: God's Plan For Your Life.
"It's all part of God's plan for you."
I am sure everyone has heard this at some point in your lives, usually when enduring one of life's many trials.
It's almost always said with the best of intentions, but I think that even the most devout don't always believe it. It's hard to imagine that something so awful (death, loss or general misfortune) would ever be part of anyone's plan, let alone "God's Plan".

In 2000, I got married to my first husband. Let me preface this by saying that marriage to this person was a bad decision. We had dated for 2 years and my self-esteem was so low that I thought he was the only one for me.
So wrong.
We were ridiculous, melodramatic and so so so immature. We broke up 4 times during our marriage and even dated other people (I can't imagine now how I *EVER* rationalized that to myself as being OK, when the very idea now makes me sick.)
On more than one occasion, we had divorce papers drawn up.
His family disliked me because they thought I was a gold digger (I wasn't) and I disliked them because they judged my family because they had more money that we did (or so I thought at the time)
Separately, we were good people. Together, we were a train wreck.
He was a nice guy, well-liked and a hard worker. He didn't have much tact and said hurtful things a lot, but I don't think he ever meant it maliciously.
So, in the fall of 2002, we were back together and ready to "play house" as my sister once called it.
After having had unprotected sex for about a year, nothing happened.
I found out that I have poly-cystic ovaries, and that makes getting pregnant difficult.
Not to mention, it made (and continues to make) me feel inadequate as a woman.
No one else in my family had trouble getting pregnant, so everyone always said "God has a plan for you. It will happen when the time is right."
I just wanted to start throwing punches whenever I heard that.
I was impatient, I felt like I had no time to wait for "God's Plan".

So, we decided (I guess I should say "I decided") that we were going to go through fertility treatment. I was poked and prodded, taking pills and getting injections, and internal ultrasounds, the works.
All I wanted in the world was to get pregnant. I didn't care if anyone thought it was a bad idea, because I thought it was a FANTASTIC idea!
On December 21, 2002 I had a procedure called an IUI (intra-uterine insemination)
On Christmas Eve, we told his family what we had done, expecting to hear how excited they were about the possibility of having their first grandchild.
His mom said "Oh. I don't think that is a very good idea."
Well, the procedure failed and when the reproductive endocrinologist suggested we go on injectible fertility drugs, my husband vehemently said "No."
There was no discussion, no nothing. It was all over.
I have it on good authority that his mother told him to put the kabosh on the plan.
I felt horrible and my love for him dwindled until it was down to nothing. We basically lived separate lives, even though we were under the same roof. We didn't split up, but we basically lived like room mates. Anything I ever felt for him was gone. I was so angry that he took away my choice to have a baby. We split up in August of 2005 because I couldn't live my life with someone who made me feel so terrible.
We never got back together, and our divorce was final in early 2007.

Even though I was so angry and resentful that I didn't get pregnant, I count my blessings today that I am not linked to him for the rest of my life.
Our relationship was terrible, I was immature and even though I thought I was ready to start a family - I wasn't able to see the magnitude of the commitment that would have been. Our relationship would have deteriorated whether or not we had a baby, because we had other issues.
I've since learned that babies are not "band-aids" to make a relationship work.
I wasn't able to see the very clear disapproval his family had for me, because I had made poor decisions during our marriage.

Present Day: I am now remarried to an amazing man and finally at a place in my life where I feel I can really be part of something truly wonderful.
We haven't started trying for a family yet, but when we do, it is going to be so much more meaningful and worthwhile because it's something we both want.

Feeling a lot less crazy

2010-02-15T22:39:00.000-06:00

Well, after work I stopped over by my mom's house and cried and blubbered and now I feel so much better.
Sometimes, you just have to let your crazy out.

In which I wallow in self-pity

2010-02-15T16:12:00.000-06:00

More and more people around me are starting their families, or adding to them and I can't help but think: "When is it our turn?"
I'd like to add that it's my heart that asks this question. My mind knows damn well that this is probably the worst time to start a family.
I am trying to come to grips with my fertility issues.
While it really saves on contraception, fertility issues make me feel awful.
I feel like less of a woman.
That on the most primitive level, I can't even do what I was made to do, breed.
I am not looking for attention.
I don't want anyone to tell me "God has a plan..." because I already have a post for that (check back Thursday)
I don't want to hear about a cousin's friend who was told she couldn't get pregnant, but by some miracle she did - because I have heard all this before.

I just need to be able to say what I have on my mind, because if I don't, I feel like I will explode.
I am jealous of people with babies. I sometimes feel that other people are less deserving of having babies. Which in turn, makes me feel even more terrible. How can I feel that I deserve to have a baby more than someone else?
These feelings make me lfeel a crazy person.
I feel like I have no one to talk to that really understands how I feel.
I have been searching the internet for a forum and haven't been able to find one that really fits me.

A most unexpected friendship

2010-02-11T15:01:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine recently suggested that it might be fun to get a group of bloggers together to contribute a weekly blog post on the same subject, then link to each other's blogs so that we can all see the posts.
Since I am all for being given a topic to write about, I said I was in.

It was decided that Thursday would be the post day, and guess what today is? Thursday!
The inaugural topic was chosen by Melissa (www.merrylandgirl.blogspot.com)
Other bloggers contributing are:
Desperate Madness
Froggie Knits Like Crazy

At first, I really didn't know what I was going to say about this topic as all my friendships have been formed in the traditional fashion.
There is one recent friendship that some people may find odd. I am good friends with my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. I am actually even friends with my ex-boyfriend, but that's a little more predictable.

So, here's the back story:
2006-2008, I dated Mike. We got a long great, but never really clicked in an adult way - like "who is going to pay this bill?" or "how come we have no money for groceries?". I had a very naive way of thinking, I just assumed that because he was the man, I would give my wages to him and he would suss out all the financial details. This was not the case.
I had never actually *told* him of this arrangement, I kind of just expected it.
I came to find out later, that he was looking for the same from me.
We were both financially irresponsible, and in the end no matter how well you get on as friends or lovers, money problems cause civil unrest to the point where all you can do is end it.
And end it did. Abruptly and heartbreakingly.
I will skip past the pathetic and desperate ramblings of the dumped (me) and bring you to May 2009.
A lot had changed since Mike and I had broken up. We managed to squeak past the awkwardness for the sake of our social circle, and eventually learned to casually co-exist.
I was (and continue to be) completely smitten with the man who would become my husband, so it was easy to forget about my heartbreak.
Mike brought his girlfriend, Lisa, to a friend's BBQ and I was really, really nervous to meet her. Part of me was afraid that she would be rude or (gasp!) better looking than me.
That meeting was quite uneventful. She was polite, but reserved. We didn't really talk, and when Mike and I would bring up an inside joke, or refer to an event that occurred before she was in his life, she did look visibly annoyed.
Then, I heard that the social circle started to divide because no one wanted to host an awkward gathering where the ex and the current were giving each other the stink eye across the room. (For the record, that never happened)
In September of 2009, we all went to a birthday party and I was so nervous that I ended up inadvertantly getting drunk.
While not so great for my liver, imbibing usually cuts down on my shyness and makes me quite friendly (not that I use booze as a social lubricant very often...)
Lisa and I started chatting, and by the end of the night we were friends on Facebook.
She's a really great person, and we have a lot in common. She has a great sense of humor and I am glad that we are friends.
I think they are great together, and I am glad to have found an unexpected friendship in her.

Lazy, Lazy, Lazy!

2010-02-10T21:06:00.001-06:00

This past 2 weeks has been kind of rough for me.
I have been in a funk that I just can't shake. I think it's the combination of winter gloom & the oppressive volume of work I have been doing lately, along with a dash of PMS.
In an attempt to hoard all the overtime I could manage at work, I find that I have not left myself very much time for myself and my family.
I feel stretched too thin, and that weekends are just not enough to recoup from the previous week.
Now that work has slowed down, it's been difficult to enjoy the slower pace and being able to sleep in a little bit since the overtime has ended.
Such a Catch-22.
The only thing I have managed to do is knit(and watch 3 seasons of 30 Rock on Netflix). A couple of co-workers are having babies and there will be the obligatory baby showers, for which I knit booties.
I am not really in a financial position to be able to contribute to the monetary gifts being collected for these co-workers, so I decided to knit.
However, it feels odd to knit for people I don't really know, wondering if the booties I have made will be used, or just tossed aside. Even though it was a simple pattern, and that I was technically getting paid to knit them since I knit them at work during down time, I still feel like I am giving a little bit of myself away.
Knitting is the only thing I have been productive at lately.
I have great ambitions of taking walks on my lunch break around our office complex, eating better and using my Wii Fit regularly.
I am a little ashamed to admit that in the last 3 months, I have used the Wii Fit twice, and once was to weigh the dog. As it turns out, she's overweight too.
I also aspire to wake up earlier so that when I dress for work, I don't look like I just rolled out of bed (which I did).
I also find it disconcerting that I have been wearing swishy nylon track pants to work. Our dress code is very lax, and it's common to see folks in jammy pants. I never thought I would have "Windpant Wednesdays" but the "swish swish" sound I make as I change positions in the computer chair have alerted me to the fact that "Windpant Wednesdays" is no longer something I can say I don't participate in.
(insert audible sigh here)
I can't wait for spring.

In which I declare that I am a negligent blogger.

2010-02-05T11:34:00.001-06:00

Don't say I didn't warn you about sporadic blog posts!

Anyways, this past week has been completely exhausting.
I work for a company that processes pay roll for small businesses and it's tax season.
The clients are on edge, I am mentally exhausted.
I did get a nice treat on Wednesday night when I was able to change my schedule and slip out of work early so that I could go see a Chicago Blackhawks game! My first ever!
Even though they lost, I still had fun :)

I have had lots of blog ideas rolling around in my noggin all week, and I forgot to write them down.
I finally have time to breathe and get a blog post up and I can't think of anything to write about.

I have been knitting dish cloths again. They are my "go to" instant gratification projects, as they usually only take a few hours and you can see when you're almost finished.

OK, apparently the phones aren't slow enough for me to do a full post without interruption.
I will be back later

For Tommy

2010-02-01T23:58:00.000-06:00

This joke may be in poor taste, but I will always have the memory of Tommy making us all laugh our asses off when he told it.

One afternoon, Pat met Mick, whom he hadn't seen for quiet some time. After chatting for a while, Pat asked Mick what he was doing with himself at the moment. Mick told Pat that he was Studying at University College in Dublin.

"Jazuz." said Pat..."And what are you Studying?."

"Logic" replied Mick.

"What's Logic?" said Pat.

"Well!" said Mick...."Do You Have a GoldFish?" Pat: "I do!"

Mick: "So ..you probably have the Fish for your Kids!"
Pat: "That's Right!"

Mick: "So.. Having Kids means your probably married...!"
Pat: "That's Right!"

Mick: "So Being Married means you're not a Homosexual!"
Pat: "That's Right!"

Mick Explains that it was Logic that allowed him to figure all that out. The Boys say Goodbye and head off in different directions.

An hour later, Pat meets his mate Shamey!. After a while Shamey asked Pat had he seen Mick around. Pat explains that he met Mick only an hour ago.Shamey said: "And what's old Mick doing with Himself?". Pat replies "He's studying at the University". Shamey: "And What's He Studying?".

Pat: "Logic!"

Shamey: "And What's Logic?"

Pat: "Let me Explain....Do you have a GoldFish?"

Shamey: "I Do!"

Pat: "You're a fag!"

2010-01-30T19:34:00.001-06:00

Well, its Saturday night and I am mobile blogging inebriated from John and Justin's! Weeee!

In which I am in desperate need of the weekend

2010-01-29T01:04:00.001-06:00

This blog post is a complete cop out and I apologize.

My brain is mush, and all I can really manage is knitting dish cloths and watching 30 Rock.

I promise to return tomorrow with a blog post filled with excitement for the weekend and to tell you about my husband's new hobby: home brewing beer!

When seemingly good friendships end abruptly!

2010-01-27T23:59:00.000-06:00

The theme of the day seems to be ending friendships, and as it were, I have my own tale to tell.
Well, I am sure I have several, but this one is still pretty fresh.

When I was pretty young, 8 or 9 I think, I had a best friend.
We had a lot in common and spent an inordinate amount of time together as best girlfriends do.
This friendship lasted until 7th grade, until there was a fight and then we didn't talk.
I can't remember what the fight was about, probably some moronic prepubescent girl BS.
We made a feeble attempt at being friends again in high school, but even then the friendship was tenuous and awkward (maybe some residual hurt feelings over the aforementioned fight?)
There was always a gap between my social circles - for some reason, I never really "fit in". I always said that my high school stereotype was that I was invisible. I wasn't a jock, or a cheerleader, I wasn't a nerd or a weirdo. I wasn't a burner (even though I ran with that crowd for awhile). I wasn't unpopular, but I wasn't popular either.
I dated a guy my senior year of high school who had graduated the year before, who was popular but only because a cool kid took him under his wing and kept everyone else from picking on him. However, the cool kid could only protect Mark when the cool kid was around.
Even though I was a nobody, my friends told me that dating him was social suicide (like joining the Mathletes)
I don't know what that little anecdote was supposed to reveal, that even in my invisible state, I was still too good to date the most popular un-popular guy?
Anyways, I digress.
This girl was smart. Like Mathlete smart, Dean's List smart, visiting colleges smart.
I was not.
So, the gap widened until I ended up running with the burner crowd. And to be honest, they may have been baked all the time, but they never talked about me behind my back, or made me feel like a loser, like Smart girl's did.
Smart girl went on to graduate, and do things in life that I was oblivious to.

Several years ago, my sister moved into a new subdivision and my nephew made friends with some kids, who turned out to be cousins of Smart girl. Smart girl's aunt was a valuable instrument in reuniting us.
It started out as emails, coffee and the occasional dinner. You know, to catch up.
And things were good. Neither of us needy for attention, and appreciating the fact that we were only an email away.
Over time, my life changed significantly. Sometimes for the worst, but ultimately for the best.
Now, I can only relay my side of the story here, you'll find out why later.
When we first started talking again, I had just split from my ex-husband and was in a serious relationship with someone new, after about 2 years that relationship ended in disappointment, but that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
Smart girl was really there for me and it was greatly appreciated to have a friend who was single and child-less and able to grab a beer with me on short notice.
We both embarked on internet dating (a first for her, I was a veteran by this time.)
I had some luck, and I had some horror stories, and then I hit pay dirt.
I met the man who would become my husband.
Smart girl never got into the internet dating groove. I tried to play matchmaker, but I suck at it and really don't know very many guys worth referring her to.
I really felt a change in our friendship when I introduced her to a guy friend of mine who was recently single.
He's a great guy and I am still friends with him - but his response to "What do you think about Smart girl?" really set the pace for the year to come.
"She's nice, but she's really not my type."
They never exchanged numbers, so guess who had to tell her? If you guessed that it was me, you're right.
She was very, very upset. I felt awful.
Then she said something that really struck me and I still don't know how it was meant.
"How come you have all these relationships and I can't even get 1 date?"
That may not be verbatim, but it's close.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Do I not deserve to be happy? Am I too lucky? Am I not worthy of meeting someone and having a relationship?
Wait. Let's back up. Let me define "ALL THESE RELATIONSHIPS":
From age 19-25, I was dating, then married to my first husband.
From age 26-28, I was dating one person
At 29, I met my husband. (the relationship continues, unabated.)
Since when is 3 a lot?
I guess when I compare it to Smart girl, it is a lot. I don't mean to boast.
She could have had a crappy first marriage and a humbling break up experience under her belt by now.
I think she should consider herself lucky.
My now husband and I announced our engagement and while I was bursting with love and joy and all that, I still felt like I had to subdue my excitement around her. She made me feel guilty for being happy.
I asked Smart girl to be a maid of honor and she accepted. Briefly.
A month after she had agreed, I sent an email advising that dress shopping was imminent and got a long email reply explaining all the reasons she had to back out.
I was pissed. Then, I thought about it and got over it and all seemed OK.
Throughout this time, I was still emailing and inviting her to gatherings large and small, all of which she said she would come and never did.
These "Unappearances" were always followed by an email or text about how bad she felt that she didn't go.
I still kept inviting her out. I invited her out with friends, I invited her to coffee for just us, I invited her out with my then fiance.
All declines.
When I sent out our wedding invitations, I never got her response card.
When I asked her about it, she said she might have a date and was waiting for him to let her know if he would be her "Plus 1".
The response never came.
Now, our wedding was not formal at all. If she sent the reply card back with just herself, and came with a guest it wouldn't have been a problem and she knew this (I think)
Well, she came to the wedding with her mom, who is a great woman and I was glad to see their smiling faces at the ceremony.
After we were married, we went offsite for pictures and when we returned their smiling faces were gone.
I was upset, but didn't let it ruin our special day.
After that, I still invited her out. Now, instead of declining, she would just send a text 10 minutes before we were supposed to meet and say something came up and she couldn't go.
I continued to text and email, and after awhile, she just stopped responding.
The only way I had to know what was happening in her life was to lurk her Facebook page and I got tired of that.
I tried casually posting on her status updates and she still didn't respond.
I was afraid I had done something heinous to upset her, but after racking my brain I came up with nothing.
Since Smart girl and I are both non-confrontational, there was never a blow up or even a nasty letter.
And because I was afraid that I may have done something to hurt her feelings, I never sent that "What the F?" email asking what was going on.
So, after months and months, I decided that if I didn't hear anything from her in reply to a Facebook post on her wall I was going to unfriend her.
And I did, I started 2010 with one less friend and I have no idea why.
Like I said, this is my side of the story. I don't know what caused her to stop talking to me and I truly hope that it wasn't that I did or said something to hurt her feelings.

In which I blather on about music

2010-01-26T23:53:00.000-06:00

Coming in under the wire on this one!

I've been thinking about music a lot lately, and how out of the loop I've been.
I used to listen to the radio in the car during my commute, but lately I have been listening to NPR or podcasts.
I've been really relying on others to tell me what's new, or getting lucky otherwise stumbling across new stuff (which is usually only new to me)

Over the weekend, I found some new (to me) faves:
Fireflies - Owl City
I'm Shipping Up To Boston - Dropkick Murphys
The Blood Of Cu Chulainn (from the Boondock Saints Soundtrack)
Cellophane - 7th Heaven
Still Be Here - 7th Heaven
While You Dream - 7th Heaven
Take Me Back - 7th Heaven
(Yeah, I am on a little 7H kick)

The Dropkick Murphys make me want to go jogging, or kick boxing. Something involving moving quickly? I shall add it to the "Workout Music" list on the ol' iPod.

I encourage you all to step outside your "safe music zone" and get a little adventurous this week.

Feeling less like death, huzzah!

2010-01-25T21:58:00.001-06:00

As stated in the title, I am feeling less like death, even if I still sound like it.

Today was super busy at work, filled with angry folk complaining about the hold times.
Customers-"Tell that department to pick up the phone! I've been holding for 20 minutes!"
Me-"Really? The whole lot of them just went out for a smoke, you know, they like to smoke after doing all those shots of tequila during lunch...you know how *that* goes. Anyhoo, once they stumble back in, I will certainly make sure all their headsets are plugged in, so they can take your call!"

On the upside, and older gentleman called me "A peach", which instantly made me think of Princess Peach, and then "We're Sorry! Your Princess is in Another Castle!" *wah wah wah*

I downloaded 7th Heaven's album "USA-UK" on Saturday and have been happily jamming to some pleasant ear worms.
One thing about this album, though. The lyrics are not predictable, even though the music sounds familiar. I don't know why this is. Another symptom of my continued, undiagnosed but blatantly evident mental illness?

Anyhoo, looking forward to seeing 7th Heaven @ The Fuel Room on Friday!
I have decided that they provide my live music fix when I can't see Dave.
Also, 6 months til Dave!

As I continue to languish/ Sunday Supper

2010-01-24T21:14:00.000-06:00

I actually feel a lot better today.
My cold has reached the phase where I sound worse than I feel.

Also, I think the Aflac duck lives in my nose.

Kosta and I make Sunday Supper together almost every week, it's really the only time we have a meal together due to our conflicting work schedules.
He works 2nd-3rd shift (5p-1a, M-F), I work 1st-2nd shift (11a-8p, M-F) so we rarely have any conscious time together during the week.
This week, I made beef pot roast with roasted vegetables & pan gravy.
Kosta made homemade spaetzle and stroganoff gravy. It was delicious & carb-licious!

I knitted a tribble today, it was a nice, quick knit. I plan on making several more!

Well, I am going back to my ass groove on the couch.
Hope everyone had a relaxing weekend!

Theraflu High

2010-01-23T16:29:00.000-06:00

Alright, so I missed posting yesterday. Sorry!

I have the plague. I think I caught it during my mysterious vocal chord scraping.

I have been doping myself up with Theraflu, which tastes like crap and doesn't really work very well.
I sent Kosta to the store for some NyQuil, I need the real stuff! Big Effing Q!

In which the blog has nary a name

2010-01-21T23:12:00.000-06:00

Whatever happened to Rock Candy? Do they still sell it?

My husband and I have noticed a lot of odd movie choices being made by actors lately, for example: Tooth Fairy with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
We have decided that it's because everyone suffers in a crappy economy and mansions don't pay for themselves.

Speaking of the economy, I made the realization that I am kind of over my "fancy schmancy" yarn phase.
I have really been on a serious yarn diet for the last few months, with my only major purchase being yarn for 2 scarves purchased from Knit Picks in September.
I find myself leaning back towards the JoAnn's & Hobby Lobby for yarn, and reserving my trips to the LYS for more special projects. As it stands right now, I am still working on that yarn from September, so I really don't feel the need to enhance my stash.
The Scarf, which seems to dangle lifelessly from my needles, is in my wonderful Namaste Zuma bag that I got for Christmas. It goes wherever I go, but I find the enthusiasm I once had for it is rapidly decreasing.
I know, I know. I should just suck it up and finish it, but I really do dread it and the fact that there needs to be another foot and a half knitted does not ease my mind one bit.

Today is my brother's birthday, I happily sent him his birthday text message this morning wishing him a good day.
Do any of you have birthday rituals in your family?
Ours started as a phone call, then evolved into voice messages with "Happy Birthday" sung by my brother in law, who puts the phrase "mother f***ing" between Happy & Birthday, which may seem tasteless in theory, but it's really, really funny.
Now, we do birthday text messages and as thoughtless as it may seem to others, there really is nothing like getting a text every few minutes throughout the day wishing you Happy Birthday.

Update on the mysterious vocal "chord" (thank you, Melissa!) scraping I had done, without my knowledge: It now causes intermittent voice outages & a cough that makes me feel like a horse. Yes, horse, not hoarse. I don't know why I feel like this is a horse cough, maybe it's because it makes me suck down Ricola lozenges like a mare out to pasture, eagerly taking sugar cubes(the original rock candy) from the hands of a small child?
"Keep your palms flat, Jessie!"

Last night at Walgreens I stood, throat aching, in front of a rack of cough drops for 10 minutes trying to decide which ones I wanted.
I knew they had to be sugar free, since I would be eating a lot of them (I am an inbound call center rep for a payroll service, and it's tax season.)
There were a lot of choices, I did eventually settle on the Ricola - but what flavor to choose? I couldn't pick, so I bought 3 different kinds: Honey Herb, Green Tea & Echinacea and Lemon Mint. I am pleased with my choices.

Also - rock candy, horse cough, Ricola, sugar cubes(the original rock candy) ? Did I just come full circle in this blog post?

So, who's going to come and offer this old mare a lozenge? Anyone?
Fine. I'll do it myself.

Feeling posty

2010-01-20T22:16:00.000-06:00

OK, so, knowing how I operate I just want to warn anyone who reads this blog:
Even though my plan is to blog everyday for 1 year, you can probably expect a ton of posts in the first month and then it will trickle down to nothing.
You've been warned.

Moving on...
First order of business: vocal cord or chord? I am getting conflicting information from the internet on this and fear that my "good speller badge" may get pulled.

I just stepped outside my house and what did I see? A perfectly formed ice wang.
I'm not talking neat icicle dangling from a gutter. This is an honest-to-goodness ice wang, formed from our porch up from a dripping sillcock (how appropriate!)
See for yourself:

This would impress even the raggediest of adult film stars and our house made it!
I am not sure if this is our house's goal in it's existence, to make marital aids from nature, but it sure did a good job on this guy!

2010-01-20T21:36:00.001-06:00

This is a mobile blogging test: I just bought some Ricola to get relief since my mysterious vocal cord scraping. END TEST.

Random Thoughts Wednesday

2010-01-20T18:58:00.000-06:00

Some random thoughts I've had today:

*I dislike when married couples have mismatched wedding bands. Ex: one gold, with rounded edges, the other a platinum pipe cut.
When I see that on couples in public, I always assume that they are not with their *real* spouses, but thinking they are being slick while they cheat with another married person.
I'm on to you, cheaters!

*Why does my throat feel like I've just had a vocal cord scraping? Is there such a thing as a vocal cord scraping?

What's that smell?

2010-01-19T23:08:00.000-06:00

For several weeks, when my car gets toasty, I start to smell bubblegum.

This is odd because I have no air freshener in the car, and if I did it wouldn't be bubblegum scented anyways.

On the way home tonight (racing home to see Keith Semple's audition on American Idol - my least favorite show of all time) I noticed that there is a candy cane hanging from my rear view mirror.

When the defroster kicks up, it blows hot air on the candy cane thus producing the mysterious bubblegum smell.

Well, that's one vehicular mystery solved.

The other? Paw prints. Paw prints all over my car.

Last Thursday, when I should have been making a complete stop at a stop sign, I noticed my windshield had paw prints all over it. Like kitty paw prints.

Completely baffled by the paw prints (my car is garage parked over night) I made a "California Stop" at the aforementioned stop sign and got pulled over.

Now, I hadn't noticed that I didn't come to a complete stop at the time. When the officer asked me if I knew why he pulled me over, I really didn't know.

Then I imagined him watching me peer ridiculously at my windshield.

He gave me a warning, and I didn't mention that I had been distracted by cat paws.

I think it was for the best. I didn't have time to do a field sobriety test.

In knitting news, I am still working on The Scarf.

Ugh, I am so bored with it and can think of several other projects I'd rather be doing but I am committed to finishing it.

I am also knitting myself a hat, this also bores me. I need to motivate to get these things done so I can knit fun things! I guess I will just keep reminding myself that once these things are done, I can go back to knitting without deadlines and commitments. Fun things! Baby things for my friend, who is expecting a baby girl in March.

Happy Cat Paws, Everyone!

Gratuitous New Year's Post (late & incomplete)

2010-01-18T23:59:00.000-06:00

101 in 2010

Read 1 book per month
Clean out my car every Friday
Knit 1 complete pair of socks for myself
Finish knitting the scarves
Eat more vegetables
Take a daily vitamin
Blog more often

It's a lot harder to think of 101 things than I thought.

Starting over...again

2010-01-18T23:38:00.002-06:00

Well, after reading some craftily copy/pasta'd blog entries from my old blog I am sure you were able to see why I've decided the name for this blog.

Somewhere between bottled up mental illness and a morbid obsession with weird things is where I exist.

To most, this may sound horrible. However, it's not so bad.

I am married to a great man, we'll call him "The Russian".

We have a cute house in a city with a shady reputation for being "ghetto", but I don't mind. We are a melting pot, we are The Russians (that's us) and The Uruguayans (our neighbors).

Well, technically, I am not Russian but 2/3 of my household is and (barring some reproductive blow-out, in which my organs jump ship) I will someday be the host body for a little 1st Generation Russian born in the US.

I am a good speller, I am not good with grammar or punctuation, and the only math I use is in my knitting.

Also, I spent an inordinate amount of time selecting a layout for this blog and have subsequently lost all my steam for posting a "KAPOWZA!" post.

My goal is to post a blog entry every day, from now until 1/18/2011.

Heh. We'll see how that goes!

A Reproductive Pit Of Despair

2010-01-18T23:38:00.001-06:00

December 31st, 2009

Pit of reproductive despair

02:06 am

So, lately I have been in reproductive pit of despair (as the subject line indicates)
I am 30, I have PCOS, I have a temp job and crap insurance.
I feel like I am wasting (or have already wasted) my allotment of fertility over years and years of having shitty insurance that doesn't support fertility treatment, or mates that don't support my wish to reproduce.
Meanwhile, it seems that any reject that forgets to take her pill one time is knocked up.

This leads me to have reproductive jealousy.

Granted, I am not actively trying to conceive since this would put me & my husband into a pit of financial despair and that is a post for another time.
Some days, I long to worry about remembering to take a birth control pill, or "did that condom break??" or "Oh no! My period is late!!" (my period is almost always late). I could construct a small mansion out of the negative pregnancy tests I have taken over the years. Each one a glimmer of hope, dashed at the appearance of just one line.
Surprisingly, a very late period can usually be coaxed out of hiding by taking a pregnancy test. I find that after about 51 days out, a pregnancy test is a good way to get everything back on track.

I stopped reading about trying to conceive, and natural remedies and warning signs...blah blah blah.
All this reading leads to thinking. Thinking which leads to worrying: "Oh my God, did my ovary just explode?" "Oh my God, I am pregnant, but my hormone levels are too low and not triggering the chemical in the Walgreens brand pregnancy test!" (Yeah, I switched to store brand. Less costly.) This worrying would usually lead to doctor's visits, however, since I have shitty insurance (lets call it a "medical discount plan" because that's really what it is. It rewards you for seeing your GP and OB/GYN and punishes you for getting double ear infections, sinusitis and a throat infection on Labor Day, which warranted a trip to the ER...but, I digress...) I would stew in my worry, and this would - I'm assuming - cause my period to be late.
Ah, my period. If my cycle was a person, it would wear a helmet all the time and give strangers great big hugs. It would lick glass and burn itself on the stove, even after being told "No! Hot!" repeatedly.
When I worry, my cycle says "She thinks she's pregnant. So, let's pretend we're pregnant!" It's like a game.
It's only over when I take the test, and cycle says "Whoops! The jig is up! Open the flood gates!"

I know that being in this funk about my reproductive health is irrational.
I don't tell other people how I feel because I don't want them to think I am crazy and obsessed.
I worry how I will react when my friends start to have kids before I do.
I suppose I am lucky that half my friend circle has already had their kids.
I am more worried about people I don't care for getting pregnant, and that they will rub it in my face: "Look! I got pregnant! All I had to do was go off the pill, just for one cycle and bam! Instant fetus!"
I can't really imagine anyone doing this to me, well, because I obviously don't talk to those people and they don't know that I am secretly in competition with them to breed first.
There is a couple that are friends of mine, they got married a few months after me and I remember talking to her about her plans to procreate and she said that a month before she got married, she went to her OB/GYN to discuss "Preparations" for pregnancy. You know, the normal thing that women without reproductive retardation do.
This plan included a timeline for going off the pill, taking prenatal vitamins and waiting for the blessed event.
As she told me this, I was boiling on the inside.
She has no idea I probably will never get pregnant "the old fashioned way", so she had no reason to not talk about it. It's usual married person talk (so I am told.
All I could think about is "If she's pregnant by Christmas, I am just going to die."

Well, the good news is that it's 12/31/2009 - and I haven't gotten an invite to her baby shower yet.
Keeping my fingers crossed that her ovaries didn't make it back through customs after her honeymoon.

Jenn is annoyed

2010-01-18T23:37:00.003-06:00

December 24th, 2009

Jenn is annoyed.

09:56 am

So, this is the first Christmas Eve where I have had to work a late shift at work.
This is the first Christmas Eve that the company I work for didn't let employees leave early.
I realize that this is a regular business day, Thursday December 24.
For most people, this is no big deal. For me, working until 8pm on Christmas Eve means that I miss out on celebrating Christmas with my family.
I will probably make it to my parents' house by 9pm. The food will be all picked through, and the good stuff will be gone. Presents will have been opened and everyone will be winding down.
If I'm lucky, my older nieces and nephews (the ones that are away at college, or living on their own) will still be hanging around, and not rushing off to meet with their friends after spending time with "The Fam".

You might be wondering: "Won't they wait for you to get there before commencing the festivities!?"
The answer is "Probably not."
"Won't they wait to open presents!?"
"Most definitely not."

*sigh*

Triumph!

2010-01-18T23:37:00.001-06:00

December 21st, 2009

Triumph!

12:26 pm

As I had mentioned in a previous post, I sit across from a woman with chronic ass-mouth.
She wears perfume to mask it, a lot of perfume. Perfume + ass-mouth = stinky perfume-ass-mouth.

Today, I had a 1:1 with my boss who asked what could make my work experience better.
I told her about ass-mouth.
She said that she will move her.

I nearly hugged my boss today.

I can't wait until stinky mouth moves!

O hai!

2010-01-18T23:36:00.003-06:00

December 17th, 2009

ohai!

04:23 pm

I discovered today that I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about whether or not the people that sit around me at work have smelly feet.

Just now, when I was coming in from a smoke break, and a co-worker was wearing snow boots and I thought "I bet he has smelly feet."

Occasionally, I will catch a whiff of a cross between dog fart and feet.
I have obsessively assertained that it's not coming from me and have decided that it's coming from the woman who sits across from me, airing out her hooves.
I made this decision based on the fact that her breath is atrocious, therefor, she must also have smelly feet.
The air vent is located above her cube, and when it blows, it pushes the air from her area to mine.
Last week, I wanted to cry because I was down-wind of her ass mouth.
This week, she has discovered mints (she should really discover a visit to her dentist for some sort of deep cleaning/ scaling)
For this I am thankful.

I have also started wearing perfume, because when my head is nonchalantly tipped down, I can only smell myself and I smell delicious.
Thank you, J.Lo's "Glow After Dark"

Bloggity blogging

2010-01-18T23:36:00.001-06:00

December 10th, 2009

Bloggity blogging

10:43 am

So.
I keep forgetting to blog. Maybe I should RSS feed off someone who blogs regularly, and that would remind me to blog here?

I dunno.

I am currently knitting like a fiend, having made knit-mitments (knitting commitments) that I may not be able to fulfill ("2-4' long celtic cabled scarves, knit and blocked by Christmas? SURE!")
Knitting on a deadline doesn't really work for me. Something always happens and the plan gets sabotaged.
Example, one of the scarves I am knitting was supposed to be a celtic cable pattern, well, after knitting for a bit I discovered that the cable pattern was far too complex and since most of my knitting is done during down time at work, I worried that I wouldn't be able to keep track of the pattern. Also, the cabling made the scarf really dense and heavy. Since it's meant to me more of a ladies' fashion scarf, than one to keep warm - I tossed out the celtic cabling.
OK, now to find a pattern that will work with the yarn, the needle size I have and be a more delicate knit fabric. Also, the pattern needs to be pretty mindless and easy to remember, but still look like I worked really, really hard on it(Ha!).
I found a Wave Stitch scarf pattern, and for some reason, it just wouldn't work. I am assuming that I was knitting the pattern as written. However, I suspect there was errata that was not my fault.
OK, the pattern search is on again - I found "Summer Scarf" which had a delicate V pattern in it. After knitting for about a foot and a half, I noticed that every few rows there wouldn't be enough stitches on my needles.
While listening to Meghan on the Stitch It! podcast, she was talking about the fact that in lace patterns, every decrease needs to have an increase - ex: one row of this pattern was k2tog, yo, SSK - well, that's 2 decreases and only 1 increase, so I was ending up short.
When I held up the scarf to inspect, I found that the V pattern was pretty askew.
Alright! So, that got frogged.
Meanwhile - I have had this yarn since October, it is now 2 weeks until Christmas and I have about 3.5 more feet to knit on this FIRST scarf.
I have the same amount to knit on the other scarf, which is the celtic cabling that I can really only do at home, without distraction.
I found the correct directions for the wave stitch in my stitch dictionary, and even though I can't tell the difference between the first pattern and the new one, it's turning out really nice. I amy dying to see what it will look like blocked.
Alright! Had enough? Good! I'm done!